A wise Mind of Man once told me, “Generals are always prepared to fight the last war.” People — well, OK, I — try and work through the crap of their last relationship with the person they’re with currently. This, I think, explains why, for the better part of my adult life, I have been a complete and total spaz when it comes to men and dating. I know, shocking, right? if I was a spaz before the relationship with my ex-fiance, I was a complete and total bunny boiler after he broke up with me. I was an insecure, over-analytical nutter and wasn’t sure how, when, and what it would take for me to stop fighting a war in which I was the only participant. But miracle of miracles, it’s happened! I, ladies and gentlemen, am a reformed dating spaz. For now at least. I have become such a calm, content, spaz-less dater that I haven’t really been tempted to write about my love life because, well, I thought others might find calm and content to be boring. But then I realized I should share the secrets to my transformation! Well, secret. It sounds simple, but I, for the first time possibly ever, am living completely and totally in the present. I have not allowed myself to think about what might happen the next day, in two weeks, or in two years. I’ve finally realized that, to a certain degree, the future is not something I can control based on what happened yesterday, two weeks ago, or two years in the past.
It helps that the person I’ve been seeing is older and doesn’t play any games. He calls when he says he’s going to, he’s gentlemanly and thoughtful, and he makes me laugh. I feel good when I’m with him, but more importantly, I feel good when I’m not with him because I’m not obsessing over the what-ifs. What if he doesn’t like me as much as I like him? What if he would cheat on me like so-and-so did? What if he suddenly loses interest? The minute one of those thoughts creeps into my brain and tries to start a fight, I tell it to piss off. All that matters is what is real, not what is imagined or suspected. So far, so good.