• Style

Dress Shopping For The Chesty LaRues Out There

My older brother is getting married to a girl I legitimately like. I’m happy for them. Really, I am. Keep that in mind as I make the following statement: Their wedding and all the surrounding events make me want to hurl. It’s not so much the constant “So what about you? Is there a boyfriend?” questioning I’ve come to expect from family, our friends and people I’ve not seen since I was maybe two feet tall. It’s the dresses. Cocktail dresses for the busty and hippy are a difficult thing to come by. Usually, it’s a shapeless mess of a tent dress or a slutty problem of a form-fitting one.

You, however, can learn from my years of double-D drama. Use these tips to find a happy medium that you’re not quite literally busting out of.

  • There’s no shame in stretch, unless it’s stretching too much. A well done jersey dress like this one outlines your shape without making every curve a little too apparent. If you don’t want to look like the slutty cousin, stay away from skintight and short.
  • If your chest situation is truly extreme, consider a fancy skirt with a sleek, fitted t-shirt. Dress up the look with a cool, mid-length necklace or a statement cuff bracelet.
  • Alter the hell out of that dress. If you find something totally event-appropriate that you love, have it altered. My issues are numerous: large chest, tiny waist, bubble butt. So dresses never fit. Ever. But if you find something that fits in the hips, taking in the waist is easy and you’ve got two out of three areas covered. If it’s still unwilling to zip all the way up, have your tailor add a gusset either in the back or one under each arm. This will add inches to the bust and make you very, very happy.
  • If you’ve got good legs and a relatively small waist, try a ’60s shape with fitted top and full skirt. Buy the dress to fit your chest and have the waist and skirt taken in. This style is usually easier to alter than a more fitted or tailored dress.

Good luck out there! Any other ideas?

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