21 Halloween Costumes That Will Not Get You Laid

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I heart slutty Halloween costumes. Yes, I’m one of those total whores who creatively shows as much T&A as possible and then struts around like I’m a fantasy woman. Why would I pass on the chance to be a totally uninhibited, confident, sexy bitch? It’s the one day of the year that I get to prance around like a skank, awkwardness-free, so I take it! And let me tell you, when it comes to seduction, costumes can work like a charm—especially if you follow my tips for getting laid on Halloween.

But while the formula is easy for girls — go nearly naked — men’s “sexy outfits” can easily go horribly wrong. Case in point: The Shocker, aka a man dressed as two in the pink, one in the stink. While I like an extra finger as much as the next gal, there’s no way I’d go for a guy dressed as a foam one. Is that a shocker? Yet, this jumbo hand is being mass produced and marketed to men. Clearly, there’s a difference between showing your playful, sexy side, and showing too much of that inner perv. I already warned you about unsexy t-shirts, so to help stop you from striking out on Halloween or to just give you something to point and laugh at, here are 21 “sexy” Halloween costumes that will not get you laid.

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