No, I’m not checking into sex rehab. I am waiting with bated breath for the premiere of VH1′s “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Tracking the recovery processes of sort-of-stars addicted to crack, crystal, and booze wasn’t enough for VH1′s hardcore audience, so the shock-reality network is heading into raunchier terrain with a show that takes the same peeping Tom approach to those addicted to sex as they attempt to shake their compulsions. Boning! Who knew it could be so addictive? After the jump, the D-listers who can’t stop humping and have asked for help. 1. Phil Varone: Drummer from Skid Row. Tattooed. The show’s Tommy Lee.
2. Kari Ann Peniche: Fallen beauty queen who did Playboy. Claim to fame: broken engagement to Aaron Carter. Forthcoming memoir: Stripped, Strung Out, and Beautifully Abused. Clothing line: Strung Out Girl. Sexual abuse victim.
3. Duncan Roy: Some British filmmaker.
4. Amber Smith: “Celebrity Rehab” and “Sober House” veteran. Actress, pill-popper. Admitted exchanging sex for drugs on last “Rehab” stint.
5. Kendra Jade Rossi: Ex-porn star. Supposedly broke up K-Fed and Princess Cheetos. Alcoholic, agoraphobe, drug abuser.
6. James Lovett: Extreme sports dude. Between surfing and wakeboarding, he likes to get off a lot.
7. Penny Flame, aka Jennifer Ketchum: Porn star, natch. As Jimmy Kimmel asked, “Can a porn star be a sex addict? Aren’t they really just workaholics?”
8. Nicole Narian: Playboy playmate, model, video ho. Her addiction lead to a co-starring role in the Colin Farrell sex tape. “That pretty much ruined my life.”