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Caught With Your Spanx On

Here’s an interesting dilemma some of you may have experienced before: What do you do when you find yourself in a surprise make-out session and happen to be wearing the modern-day chastity belt known as Spanx? For Salon writer, Sarah Hepola, the answer is to fess up the moment his hand gets close to home. “If I’d known we were gonna make out,” she uttered to her newest — and unexpected — paramour this past Friday, as his hand edged closer to the “unmistakable elastic roadblock,” “I so totally would not have worn Spanx.” Oops! But what she discovered while wearing the unfortunate undergarment during a most inopportune time was a reminder that sex isn’t so much about perfection as it is about surprise — namely, the surprise of what’s underneath a person’s clothes, and, most importantly, his or her public exterior.

…we are both, men and women, uncovering surprising details in those moments of intimacy, we are all putting our hand in expecting one thing and discovering another — that the hair is thinner, that the back is hairier, that the body parts are rounder or larger or harder than your fingertips expected. Not that any of this matters necessarily but that it registers, because part of what is thrilling, and terrifying, and unbearably hot about sex is the dismantling of the other person’s public self, the surprise of finding out what is underneath their clothes.

I’m glad she was able to spin the moment — even if only in retrospect — in a way that gave her some perspective. Dismantling another’s “public self” can indeed be “unbearably hot,” but as most guys who have made out with Spanx-clad women can probably attest: it isn’t necessarily sexy. So, have any of you ever unexpectedly been caught wearing unfortunate undergarments? How did you handle it? And, conversely, have you ever dismantled someone’s “public self” only to be so turned off by what you found that the moment was ruined?

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