How To Compliment A Man’s Wang

Our friends over at Asylum created a handy guide on “How to Praise Your Lady’s Vagina.” Do guys really need tips on stuff like that? What is the proper etiquette for a vagina conversation? Do women actually need vagina compliments? Anyway, “Your vagina is so much hotter than my last girlfriend’s vagina” inspired us to create a comparable list for the ladies. Face-to-face with a man’s penis, what’s a girl supposed to say? Our suggestions, after the jump!“OMG, it’s HUUUUUGGGEE.” Any variation will do: “OMG, it’s so BIG,” “OMG, it’s so LARGE,” “OMG, it’s so MASSIVE,” etc. Repeat as necessary.

“That looks waaaaay less like a Shar Pei than I thought it would.” Works best with uncircumsized fellows.

“Awww, he’s happy to see me.” Phalluses are suckers for flattery.

“Oh, you gave it a haircut and everything!” It’s important to let him know that you care about him, not just his wang.

“Does that really say ‘Kung Fu Hero’?” Only works with that guy from “Tool Academy.”

“I had no idea you could pierce the human body like that.” Let him know you aren’t afraid of a little man-junk jewelry.

“Hmmm. What would be a good place to hide this? Let me see … “ Because guys are easy like that.