Here is one of many theories I have about men: They all own and wear at least one pair of underwear that is so decrepit, so thread-barren, so holey, stained, and/or falling apart at the seams that they should have been thrown away years ago. My ex had a pair like this — they were boxer shorts and they had so many holes in the crotch that eventually they formed one giant hole, which his testicle would peek out of on those occasions when he would wear them sans pants while lounging on the couch. He had a bizarre attachment to these almost entirely disintegrated pair of boxers and I’m pretty sure he got a tiny thrill at how mortified and disgusted I was when he would wear them. Eventually, he had to toss them when the hole got so big that the boxer shorts turned into a skirt. Since him, I’ve met other men with the same fondness for that one pair of barely-there-boxers and I have finally decided it’s time to find out WHY men hold on to them. After the jump, guys share their thoughts on why, oh why, they still have that pair of underwear.
“For a long time I did keep a pair of glow in the dark teddy bear boxers. They were the first boxers I ever owned, and they were a gift from my high school girlfriend. I loved those things. I kept them long after the glow in the darkness no longer functioned.”
“Until a few months ago I had one or two pairs that I’d had since high school. They smelled fine going on. No stainage. But then they tore a bit and they were tossed.”
“I rocked a pair yesterday that are on their way out. They’re beat up, there’s, like, four big holes in the crotch and all around the stitching. They basically have no crotch and the waist band is all stretched out now, so they’re loose too. They just always end up back in the drawer. I don’t really think about it. They almost feel like I’m not wearing anything when i put them on. Probably because I’m not really.”
“I have one pair of quitters. They’re white boxers with blue stripes. I’m not sure why I keep them. Probably because they are part of the rotation, haven’t been replaced by a equally noteworthy pair, and because they make my girlfriend extremely angry and sad and upset and depressed!”
“I just threw away a pair that I should have thrown away probably six months ago. They were fraying and the elastic was all worn out, so I had to roll them in the waist like some girl on the field hockey team. I always end up keeping them because I would be down one pair of underwear and they were the same type of material as an oxford shirt. I wore them even when I had other underwear I can wear. I think I felt like if i threw away this pair I would have to buy another pair to put in the rotation and this pair was a good pair.”