I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of seven years. We don’t have any kids together but he has a daughter who is ten years old and lives with his ex-wife in a different state. My boyfriend and I are temporarily living in different states while I attend law school. I’ve always considered myself a very independent woman but for the last two years, I’ve been very dependent on him financially as he is supporting us both while I’m in school. Several weeks ago, right after he proposed, I dreamed I was on a large law school campus. It was a prestigious law school that I didn’t get accepted to. I was in a rush to get to class. I kept cutting through lanes to find a shortcut for a parking spot but the route I chose took longer. Finally, I found a parking spot but it was still far from the building my class was taking place in. I had my boyfriend’s daughter and her baby brother with me (the child of my fiancé’s ex and her new husband).
He is a heavy baby, so I put him in a stroller and the three of us started running toward the building. Again, I tried to take shortcuts. One shortcut was blocked off by wall partitions. It forced me to take another route that took me further from my destination. The second shortcut forced me to enter a building where there was a campus daycare. We got held up there because the baby boy wanted to play with toys. The daycare center was littered with kids and glass windows surrounded it. While I was inside the daycare with these kids that weren’t mine, I could see the tall building that I needed to get to but couldn’t seem to. I didn’t know why the kids were entrusted to me and although they were slowing me down, I couldn’t abandon them. I tried to leave with them again. I went through an exit only to find myself on a patio enclosed in glass with no door out. My dream ended and I never got to class. I want to share this dream with my fiancé, but I haven’t because I don’t want him to think that his daughter or his relationship with his ex affects me. Any thoughts? – Late To Class
This sounds like a classic anxiety dream. Too bad there are no real shortcuts when it comes to love, career, or parenthood, huh? Getting married (even though you’ve been together for years), starting your career, being financially dependent, and becoming a step-mom is a whole bunch of change all at once. This dream is an illustration of some of your biggest concerns. You seem to be asking yourself, “How do I make this all work?” A very legitimate question for sure. Balancing all that is on your plate is a tricky endeavor.
Let’s start with your career since that seems to be the central focus of the dream. You have made many sacrifices to be able to go after your goal of becoming a successful lawyer; this is represented in your dream by the tall building on the prestigious campus. It is what you are aspiring to. You see the building; it is so close .. you are almost there but you keep getting deterred by the road enclosures, the walled off partitions, and the kids, which aren’t yours but whom in your new role as wife you will be responsible for to some extent. I get the feeling, based on your entrapment in the daycare center, that you may not feel quite ready to be a parent to your soon-to-be step-daughter or even to a child of your own. You still see parenthood as a possible detour from your goals and dreams. Yet, as you have agreed to make a life with your husband, you will be entrusted with his daughter. While you may love her, that doesn’t change the fact that you have other priorities in your life. But you still seem to take the responsibility seriously and know that there are no good shortcuts to being a good parent. But it must be confusing to know how to proceed since there are also no shortcuts to having a successful career. Can you do both and do them well? Yes, but it will be difficult with many obstacles and you may have to take the longer route. Also, you will certainly have to enlist the support of your husband-to-be, who is notably absent from this dream.
A word of advice: There are no shortcuts in life but there are solutions. Talk to your husband-to-be about some of your goals, fears, and concerns before you tie the knot. Not only is it healthy, but it’s important for your marriage. He is there to support you in finding the balance in love, career, and parenthood.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately? Dying to know what their hidden meaning is? No need to rush to your therapist’s office. The Dreamweaver is here to help. Email me your funniest, weirdest, wildest, and wackiest dreams and I’ll tell you what’s going on.