Girl Talk: What Happens When You’re Just Not Into An Amazing Guy?
Aren’t we single ladies always on the quest to find the perfect man? Just yesterday, I was on that quest. And then I met him. For the sake of this post, let’s call this perfect man John. John is smart, nice, good-looking, Jewish (which matters a lot to my mother), and would spoil me rotten as my boyfriend. He’s not just your average amount of smart; he’s employed at a top web company (one you use on a regular basis) and is destined to be more successful than anyone I know.
He’s not just your average amount of nice; he has mastered chivalry to a T and is so caring that it makes my judgmental soul squirm. And he’s also not just sort of good-looking. Rather, every time one of my friends meets him, their first response is: “Wow, John’s hot.” I can totally tell they’re eying him for themselves. Oh, and did I mention that John’s after me like Tyra on the search for “America’s Next Top Model“?
I should be in heaven, right? But I’m not. Because as perfect as he is, John just doesn’t make me want to rip my clothes off. And I don’t know why. I just don’t have an inkling of a crush on John. Despite all of my friends thinking he’s handsome, I don’t find him all that attractive. I try to take a step past the superficial and focus my attraction on his kind nature and gifted mind, but it’s not working. We’ve had lunch dates at my favorite eateries (he even sacrificed meat for one meal to dine with me at my favorite vegetarian restaurant) and spent late nights talking. We even took a trip to the local farmers’ market and he paid for my breakfast burrito—around my parts, it doesn’t get more first date than that. Plus, we’ve also had the usual unexpected run-ins on the street and in each instance the butterflies just aren’t fluttering. I’m just not that into him.
Well, that is, when I’m with him, I’m just not that into him. When I’m bored and daydreaming the day away (which is often), I am soooo into John. His looks, his charm, his success… and he likes me?!?! Of course I have a crush on him when he’s not around! He is my perfect guy. But something is just not in sync when we’re together. The birds don’t sing, the sky doesn’t shine a special kind of blue, and I’m not hoping that our time together will last forever. What else could I possibly want? Why aren’t my hormones having the usual reaction to him?
Now at this junction, I could say that John couldn’t possibly be the perfect man since I’m not attracted to him, but I just don’t think it’s possible to get more perfect than John. Any other guy would be a second-rate boyfriend. Comparing John to my past flings of cheaters, liars and general d-bags, he fairs like a golden god. I get so frustrated and fed up with myself for wanting to pass up this ideal man, so I try to force myself to like him. And yet, even the thought of holding John’s hand still makes me feel like a pre-teen embarrassed to hold her mom’s hand when crossing the street.
It’s been about a month and I’m not sure how much longer I can go leading John on before it’s just terribly cruel. I don’t want to hurt him. But at the same time, I’m not ready to give up. I think we could have a future, but only if we take it baby steps at a time. It makes me think of that scene in “The Wedding Planner” when Jennifer Lopez’s father explains that when he first met her mother he had to grow to like her, then lust after her, then love her. But it’s an absurd comparison because (a) her father had a pre-arranged marriage to someone he didn’t know and (b) it’s a J.Lo movie.
I’m fully aware that I might come off as a crazy person right now, but let’s stick to the cliché that love (or hopeful love) makes people do crazy things. So I need some serious advice. Has this ever happened to you? Did it ever go anywhere? Did it fail miserably and did you stop talking? Are you married now?! Help!