Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Justin Timberlake Ditched Jessica For Rihanna? Kirstie’s At The Fat Farm?

Another week, another Wednesday. This one, just like all the others before, is full of wonderment and speculation. That’s right. It’s tabloid time! The personal lives of celebrities have been reduced to poignant blurbs and glossy cover lines. We’ve read through all the magical pages of our favorite smack-talking ‘bloids and plum-picked the most interesting tidbits. Now if only they were all true. Enjoy!

  • As we previously alerted you, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom sold the rights to their wedding photos to OK!, who’ve turned them into a 13-page story. The couple met when Khloe was hosting a party in Los Angeles and Lamar kept staring at her. The lavish wedding was thrown together in nine days, and highlights include Khloe’s custom Vera Wang gown (Vera is a family friend, natch), the couple’s custom micro-pavé Vartan platinum rings, and special guests like Ryan Seacrest, Kelly Osbourne, Kobe Bryant, and Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds who also performed. Kim and Kourtney acted as Maids of Honor and step-dad Bruce Jenner gave Khloe away. The super personable pastor did some improv speech-making and said, “Long after fans in the stands have gone home and fans at home have turned off the television, let your love remain.”
  • Just in case that wasn’t enough mush for you, OK! also reports that John Mayer wants Jennifer Aniston back! According to a friend of Jen’s, “He’s been trying to get back into her life. It started with flirty texts and e-mails, then [progressed to] calls.” John has apparently been trying to crash Jen’s upcoming Cabo San Lucas vacation. But she’s supposed to learn to play guitar for her next role … so, perhaps the manboy’s company would be beneficial?
  • Kevin Federline is trying to lose some of his baby weight before appearing on “Celebrity Fit Club” with his ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson in February. The former dancer blames his weight gain on stress and former father-in-law Jamie Spears introducing him to barbecue. Now Kevin’s security team makes sure he’s on fruits and vegetables and he works out with a personal trainer. Does Kevin really need a security team? If anyone tried anything, he could totally just sit on them. [OK! Magazine]
  • Us Weekly had this to say about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel’s relationship: “It’s Over!” (And according to Star, “It’s On!” between Justin and Rihanna, but we’ll get to that momentarily.) Justin allegedly broke up with Biel on the phone a month ago, but of all the “friends” interviewed no one is convinced the roller-coaster couple won’t go for another ride. The mag says Jessica is in denial, but Justin is supposedly flirting with girls at clubs and getting off on DJs playing his song, “Cry Me A River.” Whether they’re dating or not, Jessica and Justin have both said they’ll climb Mount Kilimanjaro soon, so that should be a particularly interesting climb now.
  • Kate Gosselin has no love for Jill Zarin of “The Real Housewives of New York City.” The two were seen backstage at a Stars, Stripes, & Skates fundraiser in Connecticut and after looking Jill up and down, she refused to shake her hand … apparently because Jill shared a meal with Jon in July. Kate also managed to snub Nikki Blonsky who starred in “Hairspray”—Kate’s security allegedly wouldn’t let Nikki enter the bathroom while Kate was using it. I guess that’s what happens when people “stop being polite, and start being real.”
  • Though it was overshadowed by the Kardashian wedding, Jaime Pressly married entertainment lawyer Simran Singh this weekend at Dick Clark’s estate in Malibu. Pressly said, “I used to think I wasn’t the marrying type, but I realized I hadn’t met the guy I wanted to marry.” [Us Weekly]
  • Star claims that Justin Timberlake and Rihanna are getting hot. A source dishes, “They’ve been talking and texting nonstop since the VMAs.” Justin will be producing Rihanna’s next album, so it’s safe to assume these rumors are just the beginning. Rihanna doesn’t want to be involved with Justin until his relationship with Biel is definitely done. But this source says, “She digs him and wants to date him, too…There’s an electricity between them that’s unreal.”
  • Nicole Richie apparently dropped all 14 pounds of baby weight a week after giving birth to her son Sparrow. A friend says, “She cut her calorie intake and is eating a ton of clear broth with steamed vegetables and she eats a lot of sushi without any rice.” The mother of two also does yoga in the morning. Her man, Joel Madden, reportedly bought her berry pies at a recent farmers’ market and “wants to make sure she doesn’t go too far with her diet.” She weighs 98 pounds — how much further can she go?
  • Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have been all over each other all summer, but A-Rod’s ex-wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, reportedly sat down with Kate and warned her to watch out. An insider said, “He’s practically a sex addict. It’s a matter of when, not if, he’ll cheat on her too.” Kate was apparently speechless after the talk. A-Rod has assured Kate that he’s “matured and cleaned up his act,” but is worried that his ex has shaken Kate’s trust. Ya think? [Star]
  • Don’t be fooled by the Mariah Carey I’m-having-a-baby story on the cover. The entirety of this week’s In Touch can basically be summed up in one story: that Jon Gosselin wants Kate back and is looking to stall the divorce. But we told you this yesterday. [In Touch]
  • People reported on John Travolta’s fight to save his son Jett, now that he is in court suing the Bahamians who tried to extort him for $25 million with photos and a signed release form saying he refused ambulance service since John was going to fly Jett to the hospital. The article says that John’s devotion to Scientology hasn’t changed, but that it was no secret that Jett was autistic. A family friend said, “Just because John doesn’t share everything about himself doesn’t mean he’s living some big lie.” Apparently, Scientology has no stance on autism and doesn’t prevent medical treatment for the condition.
  • In a gaggingly sappy story, “Bachelorette” stars Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski are apparently in love for reals. With a photo spread of the two sitting on each other and laughing, the couple jokes about dealing with each other’s shortcomings, which for Ed is his messiness and for Jillian is her “insane amount of clothes.” Jillian is seemingly un-phased by the cheating and says, “Believe it or not, I don’t know if we’d be this good without all the drama.” Good thing because there will surely be more where that came from!
  • Mackenzie Phillips came out last week alleging that her father John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas had an ongoing sexual affair with her. In the aftermath, her family has been divided. Mother Michelle Phillips and half-sister Bijou Phillips both stood on the side of John. “Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness,” said Michelle. “She’s had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years.” Bijou added, “It’s devastating to have the world watch…especially when the man in question isn’t here to defend himself.” Her other sister, Cynthia, says that she supports Mackenzie. [People]
  • In a shockingly unshocking cover story, The National Enquirer reports that Kirstie Alley has checked herself into a fat farm, or more accurately, the Cal-a-Vie health spa near San Diego. When her weight grew to 265-pounds, she was embarrassed since she promised Oprah that she would come back to her show in a bikini. She’s back on track now, but tweets that she’s not without temptation. “Sweet dreams of hot buttered popcorn, fresh baked bread and sweet tea…” Maybe Kirstie should join K-Fat on “Celebrity Fit Club”?
  • Experts are ripping apart Whitney Houston’s recent interview with Oprah, saying that it was a publicity stunt and that Whitney had been coached on what to say. Duh and duh. The Enquirer brought in super legitimate body language experts who agree that Whitney’s blinking, pausing, fist-clenching, foot-tapping, and shoulder-shrugging were all indications that she was lying. That, and the fact that Whitney said in the interview that she didn’t do crack but freebased cocaine over marijuana … and then later said her drug of choice was “weed combined with rock cocaine.” Which is, of course, crack.
  • In case you haven’t noticed, Brad Pitt’s been a little grizzly lately, and Angelina is furious, according to a source. “Four years and six kids into their relationship, Brad has allowed himself to fall victim to middle-aged schlubbiness.” Angie has apparently started called Brad “Billy Goat Gruff” in honor of his graying goatee and has been committing fashion felonies like rocking black socks with black sneakers and cargo shorts. Angie recently called up designer Tom Ford to dress Brad so she doesn’t have to keep asking, “Are you really going out in that?” I say this one’s bogus. Uh, remember Billy Bob Thornton? [The National Enquirer]