Detroit City Council Trying To Ban Lap Dances

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall at the Detroit City Council meeting yesterday. DJs, strippers, and club owners descended on the council, begging to be left alone. See, Detroit’s city government is trying to put regulations on the adult entertainment industry and has proposed that dancers stay at least six feet away from patrons onstage and 18 inches away when they’re on the floor—meaning that there can be no intentional physical contact. So long, lap dances! I’m not a guy, but what’s the appeal of paying to be six feet from a naked woman when there’s free internet porn? There are 33 strip clubs in Detroit and many of the dancers are parents putting themselves through school or people who just have limited job choices. One single mother and dancer said, “All of us are young. There’s nothing else out there. There’s no jobs.” The executive director of the Association of Club Executives in Michigan and California says the clubs bring in over $3 million a year to Detroit. Religious figures from Perfecting Church and Second Ebenezer Church (how evil villain-core are those names?!) came to support the city, and the government hired a Tennessee attorney who’s apparently the master at closing strip clubs to consult for a mere $75,000. [Freep] Heaven forbid they use the money to find a solution to the problem instead of just making the dancers livelihood less lively. Oh, I know—why don’t they all work at General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler? Wait a second. If I lived in Detroit, I’d cross the border and use my awesome dancing skills to seduce a Canadian and pursue my career as a professional poutine eater chef. I’m not super passionate about the adult entertainment industry, but when the economy is such garbage in a city that was probably hit the hardest by the recession, there have got to be more important issues than how many inches a stripper is from all the depressed, unemployed guys? How about hiring a consultant to give career advice or provide job training to the young ladies instead of paying the big bucks to shut their current jobs down?

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