I’m tall. I mean, I’m really tall. And I don’t mean 5’10″ tall. I’m 6’1″. That’s ridiculously tall. Kermit the Frog once said: “It’s not easy being green.” Well, it’s not easy being a tall woman, either. Among the more common pickup lines we tall ladies hear: “Do you play basketball?” (No.) “What’s the weather like up there?” (Icy.) “I’d like to climb you.” (Really, I’d rather you wouldn’t.) While some women think being tall is something worth writing a book about, other women perceive it to be a disability equivalent to a clubfoot. Mostly, it’s a blessing and a curse. I can reach the highest shelves, but I’ll never blend into the crowd. Dating? That’s a whole other story. For guys who admire amazons, here’s how to bag a tall chick. 1. Stay Away from the Cheesy Lines. Speaking on behalf of tall women everywhere, I would like to deliver this breaking news: We know we’re tall. “Gee, you’re tall,” “How tall are you?” and “Do you play basketball/volleyball?” will not endear you to us. We live every day in these elongated bodies. Consequently, some of us suffer from Tall Girl Syndrome. We love our height, but we may be ambivalent about it, too. Standing head-and-shoulders above the rest doesn’t always feel so, well, girly. Hit on us about anything other than our height — our brains, our beauty, out favorite books — and leave the tall talk for Turk.
2. Get Over It. Maybe you’ve never gone out with a tall woman. Maybe you’re a little intimidated. Maybe she’s taller than you. When dating a tall woman, operate under this premise: She’s fine with the fact that she’s tall. Let it be fine for you. Unless we hail from Amazonia, intimidating the crap out of men is not our favorite past-time. If you feel intimidated, that’s on you. Relax! Get over it! Forget about it! Most vertically-endowed women don’t care how tall you are. They care what kind of man you are. Let her know who you are, and she may fall for you.
3. Treat Her Like a Lady. We can look Chad Ochocinco in the eye, but we’re like every other woman on the inside, so treat us accordingly. Do: hold my hand, tell me I look hot, put your arm around me. Don’t: ask me to hold my hand up to yours and exclaim over how big mine is, wonder out loud what size shoe I wear, request to breed a basketball team with me. My height does not my character make. I’d rather you open the door for me, send me flowers, or walk on the proper side of the sidewalk (the outside) than make me feel like a … freak. As kids, tall girls get teased for their stature. Not everyone was 5’10″ in the eighth grade, you know. If you love our height, let us know! But don’t make a spectacle out of it. We’ll love you for it.
4. We’re All the Same Height in Bed. Honestly, I don’t totally get why men get so flummoxed about wooing skyscraper-sized women. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s sexual anxiety — are men worried they won’t “measure up” in the bedroom? We know we’re all the same height when it comes to sex. In terms of anatomy, the parts generally work themselves out. In all likelihood, I won’t end up marrying a midget, but, for the most part, height is no big deal when you’re doing the horizontal mambo.
5. And If You’re Worried About What Other People Think … You pick her up for a date. In stilettos, she’s waaay taller than you. Gulp. What will your buddies think when you roll into the party with a woman who towers above you? When other guys see a guy with a woman who’s taller than he is, they assume one of two things: A) He has a lot of money, or B) He’s really good in bed. Bagging a six-footer is big-game hunting. If you land one, everyone will assume you’re a baller. Now, get out there, and find yourself a tall woman. I bet she’s waiting for you — with her heels on.