A 56-Year-Old Virgin!

Last week, a retired school teacher named Deborah Parish came before the Texas Board of Education to argue for sex education in schools. “Kids are not ready to be parents, nor are they ready to have AIDS,” she said. I don’t think anyone’s ever ready to have AIDS, but that’s besides the point. “I don’t think any of these people know you can have sexual satisfaction without taking your clothes off,” she said. “OK, embarrassment, I’m 56 years old and I’m a virgin … technically.” A few minutes later, Deborah was interrupted and told that she had arrived to the hearing a day late for that particular topic. The Board was currently discussing physical education and alcohol awareness. [Gawker] — Awwwwkard.Deborah taught in Texas public schools for 25 years. During her speech, she said that although she’d had sexual education, she was still unclear on a few things. “What is chlamydia anyway? I’ve never heard of chlamydia,” she ranted. “Every student [should] be asked to write down ‘What would it take you to wait to have sexual intercourse until you graduate from high school?'” I think the board might have enjoyed Deborah’s opinions over some of the other topics discussed in the meeting, including “the removal of Christmas” from schools and whether they should include Newt Gingrich in history textbooks. [TPM]

I agree with Deborah’s stance that sexual education is 100 percent necessary in schools, but her cringe-worthy confession wasn’t exactly helpful in making her point. Not that virgins shouldn’t be permitted to talk about sex, but does anyone agree that sexual satisfaction can be found fully clothed? I like dry-humping as much as the next lady but I definitely had no idea what sexual satisfaction meant until I’d racked up some reward miles on my v-card. And what does it mean to be “technically” a virgin? Is she going with the popular Catholic school definition where anal and oral sex don’t count? Mostly though, I feel bad for Deborah. Not only for her embarrassment in real life, but also for the subsequent internet swarming, because her heart was in the right place … her mouth was just running late.