This week I got a letter from a lady who’s got the rack but is missing some spice. She wrote:
I have been with my boyfriend for about seven months and it’s been going really well. However he keeps mentioning how much he likes/misses having “make-up sex,” and I just don’t know what to do. We just have never fought … in fact, I’m not much of a fighter and have never had “make-up sex” in my life. If something upsets me, sex is really the last thing I want to do with that person. It’s clearly something he really enjoys, and as nice as it is that we don’t have epic fights, I feel we are missing out on something. I have talked it through with him and he says that he doesn’t care, that it’s nice not to be arguing. But I can tell that it’s something he really misses from previous relationships. I have even tried picking fights, when I haven’t been annoyed at all, to try and get it going! (That’s hasn’t worked.) Please give me some suggestions!
Make-up sex is so steamy. It’s the hot sunshine after the storm. The juxtaposition of extremely polarized emotions — I give it to you and then you give it to me — running wild makes sex even sexier. This is why you shouldn’t fight, whine, yell, or cry any other way but in person. You don’t wanna waste a second of raw potential. The brain is the biggest erogenous zone and, as with make-up sex, communication can be the most effective aphrodisiac.
The upside here is you and your man have no beef. Congratulations! I’m sure, as time goes on, that you’ll be able to find something to rile you up for real make-up sex. No rush, right? Until then, it sounds like he just wants some more sexytime drama, lil’ mama. So, how can you spice things up without winding up in Splitsville? Here are some ways you can fake it until you make (up) it …
You’ve been playing with his body, now it’s time to toy with his mind. I’ve got some suggestions, but really just use your imagination! He’s been very forthcoming with what he thinks he wants, but now it’s time to get creative. If it’s passion he craves, give it to him in spades. Express yourself in the sack. Don’t be afraid to get rowdy when it counts, when things are really bumpin’. If he wants a confrontation, give it to him—naked!
Role Play: I watch “Gossip Girl” (now you know Dr. V’s guilty pleasure!), but for those of you who don’t, hot on/off couple Blair and Chuck are always scheming. They take their games to the bedroom too. On the season 3 premiere, they decided to get into costumes and act out a fantasy. You could tell Chuck loved playing a butler being pushed around by his bitchy mistress. Bot! So, what’s your fantasy scenario? Treat your bedroom like a stage and give him a show.
Tease Him: Do a striptease for him. Get up close, but don’t let him touch you. When he puts his hands on you, tsk-tsk him and throw his hands off. Men love bitches, no? Then keep teasing him and stripping until he’s hot and bothered. Once you’re naked and he wants it so bad he could eat you alive, blindfold him and let him go to town.
Hide And Seek: Make him hunt you down. Surprise him by leaving items of clothes, one at a time, and let him follow the trail to find you somewhere … with nothing left on.
Relocate: Get out of bed and do it somewhere dangerous and exciting. How about your car during a lunch break, the bathroom at a club, on the roof, or in the office stairwell. (Uh, now you know why The Frisky has me working from home.) If you’re not into the threat of getting arrested or fired, take him on a surprise trip to a burlesque show.
Toy With Him: Take him shopping for something special at a sex shop. Let him pick something out. I’ve yet to meet a guy that doesn’t enjoy the added sensation a c**k ring gives. It seems risque, but really it requires no skill. Set it and forget it! (Well, don’t leave it on too long.) It’s the kiddie pool of kink.
And hey, if he gets mad at you for suggesting any of this (though we can’t imagine why), at least then you’ll get a chance at real make-up sex, right?
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!