The VMAs happened five nights ago and everyone’s still talking about Taylor Swift and Kanye West. (That means everyone pretty much ignored Lady Gaga’s look-at-me, look-at-me blood-splattered outfit. Try harder next year, honey!)
We’re drama-mongers, though, so we were tickled pink when Tay-Tay hit up “The View” to tell Barbara and the girls that, other than the fact Kanye has a cool haircut, she doesn’t much care for the man. Alas, that’s nothing compared to President Obama, in a supposed-to-be-off-the-record conversation, calling Kanye a “jackass.” (Oops!) When the women on “The View” and the President think you’re a jerk, you’ve got problems, dude.
Hard as it may be to believe, though, lotsa other stuff happened this week. After the jump, everything you missed while you were watching Kanye West/”I’m gonna let you finish…” mash-ups:
- We survived Fashion Week.
- We peed our pants with joy watching the “New Moon” extended trailer. (Taylor Lautner. Shirtless. Hawt.)
- We lusted over red carpet looks at the VMAs!
- We shed a tear for Patrick Swayze, who passed away at 57, and paid tribute to his 10 best movie moments.
- We watched Whitney Houston tell all to Mama Oprah.
- We continued to tell you what we were wearing.
- We sent good vibes Jessica Simpson’s way when we heard her maltipoo, Daisy, was snatched by a coyote (and likely eaten).
- We tried to burn this image of Mario Lopez dressed in lingerie from our minds.
- We wondered WTF school librarians in Australia would want to ban Twilight
- We got pissed at comedian Bill Maher for joking about why someone didn’t choke Tila Tequila sooner.
- We met a fellow who had Jesus tattooed on his hand to stop him from masturbating.
- We threw up in our mouth a little by how much Stephanie Pratt (sis of Spencer) resembles Heidi Montag (wife of Spencer).
- We asked Simcha’s grandma—a snazzy silver fox!—all about anal sex.
- We learned George Clooney will never get a Facebook page and that there are seven other celebs who refuse to “poke” you.
- We plotted ways to save the porn industry!
- We wondered when the appropriate time is to bring up babies with a new love interest. After two weeks? No?
- We thanked our lucky stars we don’t live in Alabama, where it’s illegal to sell sex toys (but not to use them, thank God).
- We dished about the freakiest sex we’ve ever had.
- We brainstormed excuses to get out of sex when you’re just not in the mood.
- And last but not least, three words: themed topless joints. McDonald’s themed striptease, anyone?