Now that the drought of summer TV is over, there is a new swarm of drool-worthy actors on the small screen. No matter what your type is, there is a show specifically catering to your needs. “Melrose Place” boasts a cast of sketchy brooding dudes, but are they worth killing for? Equally brooding but more blood-thirsty is the cast of “The Vampire Diaries.” Then there’s the sweet, song-happy men of “Glee.” Which male cast has us the most smitten? Here’s who we’d shun, shag, and marry.
|SHUN: “Melrose Place” There’s a yummy professional sous chef named Auggie Kirkpatrick, poor little rich boy David Breck, and wannabe filmmaker Jonah Miller. Sure, they’re cute enough, but two of them were a little too close to the now-dead Sydney Andrews. Auggie may be able to cook up a great omelet, but he might also be capable of filleting a woman … not in a sexy way. David is down to share a 40-year-old woman with his papa, but easy doesn’t guarantee satisfying. And the very schtuppable Jonah is engaged now, which is a shame because he is so Conor Oberst-y. Get back to us when you’re cleared of suspicion of murder and ditch the fiancee! [CW]|
|SHAG: “The Vampire Diaries” Oh innocent high school boys, with their crushes, shoe-gazing, and dramatic gestures. Oh, but vampire brothers Stefan and Damon Salvatore add unquenchable passion and danger to the equation. Assuming they’re all (ahem) of age, we’d shag the hell out of these school boys, but the real challenge is in seducing the undead hotties without losing an artery. Sure they’ve been alive for over a century, but since they’re vampires you’re getting all the fox minus the silver. But eternity is a long time, ladies, so try to refrain from the period sex! [CW]|
|MARRY: “Glee” Just like Emma Pillsbury, we’re majorly crushing on glee club coach Will Schuester, and as soon as he dumps that baby-faking, gold-digger wife of his, we’re making him an honest man. Again. And until that happens, we’ll be gleefully entertaining the dashing quarterback, Finn Hudson. Oh, you want to respect your cheerleader girlfriend’s celibacy plan but you’re sexually frustrated and sick of her games? We’re totally here for you. Footballers aren’t meant to be sensitive, but here’s a guy who can grill a steak and then sing the soundtrack to “Grease” with you! Finally! Wheelchair-bound hottie Artie Abrams’ real-life musical experience might top any future embarrassment for his on-screen persona. (Actor Kevin McHale was once in a hilarious boy band called Not Like Them). If these boys are confident enough in their masculinity to sing in public then they will probably be open-minded for much greater things, like our polygamous relationship with all three of them! [Fox]|