Q&A: Comedian And Author Aaron Karo Takes Us Inside The Eternal Bachelor’s Mind
Stand-up comedian and author Aaron Karo rose to fame as a college freshman at the University of Pennsylvania, where he began writing down what he called “Ruminations,” small observations about the universal truths of college: the dorm rooms, the friends, the food, the classes, the beer pong … and the women. (A sample “rumination” from September 2000: “You know what a great moment in college life is? Those two seconds. The two seconds when you first wake up at 3 p.m. after a hard night of partying. Because in those first two seconds you haven’t yet remembered that last night you threw up on your floor, punched a cop, and hooked up with an ugly chick. Savor those two seconds as best you can.”) One email to his close friends was forwarded to their friends, and to their friends. What started as a funny late-night email grew to an email newsletter, which grew to a stand-up comedy career, which grew to three published books. Now, Karo is 30 years old and living in Los Angeles. After watching his closest high school buddies and college frat brothers get married and drop out of the dating scene, he’s developed a theory about being “that guy” who hasn’t gotten married yet: It’s not half bad, despite what society, married people, and your grandma would have you believe. Well, for men, anyway.
I’m Having More Fun Than You, an ode to the beer-drinking, chick-banging perennial bachelor, goes on sale today. (Sample excerpt: “On one hand, it’s kind of depressing to see my friends with their significant others laughing and sharing and realize I don’t have that kind of companionship. On the other hand, it’s exhilarating to know that I’m not accountable for anyone’s happiness but my own, and that the next girl I wake up beside will quickly realize that’s her cue to leave.”) We talked to Aaron about what men universally want in bed, and how to get a bachelor type to commit.
The Frisky: What would you tell women before they pick up this book?
Aaron Karo: The book is a very frank inside look into a guy’s head. Girls should know that when you meet a guy, the first thing he’s thinking is that he wants to get laid. No matter what. But we can move past that. We can say, “Actually, she’s pretty cool.” Whether or not you think your guy friends are like this, they are. And if you’re a woman who’s single, and you’re happy, then this will only validate you. I almost want to say that I’m doing a service to women. Just being aware of what’s going on changes everything. When I’m out with a girl, if I listen to what she says and interpret the offhand comments she makes, it’s just like going to college. You don’t use that education every day, but if you have an idea of what guys are thinking, maybe you pause for a second.
The Frisky: You started writing this column 12 years ago when you were 18. The fans who started following you in college are growing up. People are marrying off. Marriage is becoming a sensitive subject.
AK: We’re at this inflection point. We graduate from college, we have these carefree days, we turn 25, things are going good, and then you’re in the wedding phase where you have 10 weddings to go to this summer. You hit 30, and it’s like musical chairs. You look around and half the people are gone. If you’re a woman, you start to feel self-conscious, and if you’re a guy, you realize, “Wait a minute. This isn’t that bad. Now I’m 30, and I can date girls a lot younger than me, I can date a girl that’s a lot older than me. I’m living the dream.”
The Frisky: Your book champions bachelors who continue to hook up and get hammered well into their 30s and openly mocks guys who have gotten married. Why did you feel this book needed to be written?
AK: I felt that the bachelor needed to be championed, and that champion was me.
The Frisky: Do all single guys just want to bang random chicks and get drunk?
AK: I don’t think so – I mean, I’m sure there are certainly guys who are desperate to get married as well, and some guys who couldn’t get laid and don’t like getting drunk, but I don’t know any of them.
The Frisky: What do you think men’s attitudes are toward monogamy, in this age, when no-strings-attached sex is perfectly normal?
AK: I’m not opposed to monogamy, but I’m saying one of the benefits of being single is you don’t have to worry about that. The downside of getting married when you’re 24 is that you’ve only been with three chicks, and that’s it for the rest of your life. If you get married right after college, how do you even know who you want?
The Frisky: So, before you get married, you should ratchet up your number of sexual partners?
AK: Guys like to rack up numbers, but there is no definitive number that you need to hit before you get married. But that’s part of bachelorhood: There are no strings attached. The competition I used to have with my buddies is dwindling; there’s not that many to compete with anymore. I’ll still tell my [married] buddies when I’ve slept with another girl, and they’re like, “Great.” It’s like Fantasy Football. I’ll give them my stats.
The Frisky: There’s one part of the book where you say that men can and should hook up with multiple women, but women should “protect their reputation” by not sleeping around. I’m not saying it’s your double standard, but what do you think about that?
AK: There is a double standard, and you should be aware of it. You need to know these things, and then you’re better off. I’m not saying the double standard is fair. It’s, like, women who sleep around are sluts and guys who do get book deals. I’m not saying that’s fair. I think it exists. You can’t deny that. So women should be aware of that. That’s a pretty non-controversial point, I thought.
The Frisky: In the book, you and your buddies have four different ratings systems for women based on their bodies and faces, you nickname women things like “Sergeant Sloppy Tits,” and you brag about banging chicks. How do any women still want to talk to you, not to mention still be fans of yours?
AK: First of all, when you say me and my friends do this, all guys do this. That’s the point. It’s not just me. It’s not like I’m crazy. Every guy does it, I’m just admitting it. And that is why girls like it. Because I’m honest, and I’m frank, and I’m candid, and I like to think I do it in a self-deprecating manner. I like to think that a lot of the girls who have read the website are like, “Man, I learned a lot.” That’s the point, is that every guy’s doing it. Yes, there’s probably a small percentage who don’t, but it’s not like me and my buddies are THE worst of the population. We’re probably the mean.
The Frisky: What’s the easiest way to shut a guy down?
AK: Just mention your boyfriend. Or make an excuse that’s so ridiculous you know that you’re lying just to get rid of them. If you’re like, “Oh, I’ve got to go because I’m working for Greenpeace and we’re flying to Ethiopia in 20 minutes.” All right, obviously the chick doesn’t want to talk to you.
The Frisky: Do you have any advice for single women?
AK: I think that finding your keys, hooking up, and getting engaged are similar: They all happen when you’re not thinking about it and least expect it.
The Frisky: What about sex? Is there anything that you think guys universally like?
AK: Balls. That’s a number-one key right there: Touch the balls, lick the balls …. That will get you far. It’s very simple. Things aren’t going that well? Things are taking too long? Balls.
The Frisky: What do guys dislike?
AK: [When women] jump up and down on my dick like a pogo stick. I don’t understand where that came from, the hopping. The hopping when the girl is on top. No bouncing. No bouncing should be involved.
The Frisky: What advice would you give to women in relationships who want to keep and eventually marry their men?
AK: I think if you’re already in the relationship, you’re kind of halfway home. One of my favorite points in the book is: Marriage is an equalizer. Our entire lives, we’re waiting for you. We want to hook up, we wanna get laid …. Girls decide on a whim whether it’s going to happen. And now the girls have to wait for guys, all of a sudden it’s a big deal. “He’s not proposing. When is he going to propose?” Blah, blah, blah. And I’m just like, “You know what? Fuck you.” It’s like, “Give me a couple of years to figure it out.” Then, I think it’s a matter of attrition at that point.
Also, you’ve got to let him run free for a while and let them spend some time with the guys. My guy friends who are in the best marriages, you don’t even know they’re married. They’re just one of the guys. There’s the trust factor. I think if that trust is there, then it’s a good relationship.
The Frisky: What would it take to get a stereotypical bachelor like you to settle down?
AK: It would take the right chick, and I’d have to be in the right mindset. There have been times in my life when I was like, “You know what? I think I could be in a relationship if I met the right person. There have been times in my life where I’ve been just like, “Even if I met the right person, I can’t deal with a relationship right now.”
The Frisky: Sometimes people mock what they’re jealous of. Are you jealous of your married friends?
AK: Listen, there are some times when I see my friends with their significant others, and I think, “Shit, you know, it would be nice to have a companion like that.” And there’s one conclusion that I wrote at the end of the book [which] is one of the benefits to being married is you always have someone who’s there to bail you out. Who’s there to stick up for you. Which is pretty cool. It’s just at this point in my life, the negatives outweigh the positive. So, yeah, I would love to get married, have kids, have little Karos running around. It would be great. It’s just I don’t like being made to feel like I need to do it right now or something’s wrong – same thing for women. I go to the weddings, and they look at me. “Oh, look at that guy. He’s single, he’s at the bar …” Hey, let me live my life. I’m having fun. I’m having more fun than you.
The Frisky: Did you bang any of the chicks on your book cover?
AK: Unfortunately, no.
The Frisky: Did you try?
AK: It was like 8 in the morning; it’s not exactly magic hour. And they’re also on average about seven inches taller than me.