Guess That Fan Fiction, Win Nerd Respect!

My best friend once made the mistake of telling me that she had written “Buffy” fan fiction when she was younger and I mercilessly teased her for years, even though it was that nerdy center that endeared her to me in the first place. Some of you may not be familiar with the steamy underground world of fan fiction where devoted fans think up (often sexy) scenarios for their favorite characters. For fun, we’ve rounded up six fanfic excerpts and taken out the nouns so you can guess which show/book/movie they are based on. Guess all six correctly and win … dork credibility?

“I watched in silent horror as ____ and the monster-guy traded punches, each more powerful as the next. Shell-shocked, I barely noticed as _____ pulled me away from where they fought, hissed, “get inside!” to me, and ran back into the Bronze. I didn’t go back inside, but backed up into the shadows, my eyes still glued to the fight. ‘Aren’t you a pretty thing,’ a voice right next to my ear purred, and I jumped, turning to stare at the man beside me. When did he get here? ‘Stay away from me,’ I warned, my voice shaky. He laughed at me. ‘You’re lucky I’ve got some business with the ____, or you’d be dead already, pet,’ he warned me in a low, accented voice. ‘But now that I’ve had time to consider it, I think I’m going to save you for ____.’ I edged away, and his hand caught my wrist. ‘Don’t move, or I’ll drain you dry now, anyway.’”

“So naïve, so pure, so awfully good and brave, he thought in his head mockingly as he stared at the bushy-haired witch. He wanted to break her. He wanted to taint her so that she was no longer as white as a piece of paper. He wanted _____ and _____ to die in vain. His followers had injured her quite badly that day, leaving her with gashes in all parts of her body. Her shirt was almost completely stained red from the blood that was pouring from her wounds. Yet, she still fought on…_____ knew that she was afraid, but she was not frightened enough. He grabbed her by her waist, forcing her to tumble into his arms with her back towards him. ‘And may I remind you that you are a _____ in my hands,’ he whispered to her, his lips nearly touching her earlobe. He smirked when he felt a slight shiver go through her body. She still did not say anything. He traced a finger down her cheek, momentarily astonished by how warm she was. Still keeping his lips right next to her ear, he hissed, ‘Mr. _____ informed me of your intelligence, Ms. _____.’ He could feel her body stiffen at the mention of her former classmate. ‘There are so many things I could teach you. Your thirst for knowledge could be quenched. All you have to do is swear your loyalty to me.’”

“When I reached him, he grasped my hand and the scenery around us changed. The green forest dissolved and became a room filled with black candelabras with small, flickering flames. The walls were draped with red velvet curtains and in the middle of the glowing candles was an elegant loveseat, padded with material the color of blood. _____ smiled at me in the strange way he always did; one corner of his mouth pulled up, crooked. As I gazed at him, I realized the setting was not the only thing that had changed—_____’s clothing had as well. He wore a very old-fashioned black suit, looking like a gentleman straight out of the 1800s. My eyes widened in surprise and I flushed, embarrassed; just imagining how out of place I must look in my flannel shirt and worn jeans. But when I looked down to survey my appearance, I gasped. In place of my modern clothes, I was now wearing a deep green satin gown, the neckline edged with lace. On the hand _____ still held was a silver bracelet with a sparkling crystal heart dangling from a link. I looked back up at _____, smiling widely and feeling as though I’d just stepped into a scene from one of my favorite nineteenth-century novels.”

“The planet’s red sky turned magenta, its twin suns sinking into the horizon, offering relief from their intense heat to the logical inhabitants of the hot, arid world. A slight breeze blew, stirring up small dust clouds and ushering the suns to a night of rest. Light became dim on this side of the planet as two figures sat on the ground behind a magnificent _____ style chateau, deep in a mind meld and oblivious to their surroundings. One, a _____ male, had been born there, the other, a human woman, had been born light-years away on the blue-green planet where the architecture for the chateau had originated. The two had little in common save for a single _____ ancestor long dead who would have been forgotten had she not been the purpose for their meeting. The human in fact showed little of her mixed ancestry; the only outward hint was her long, black hair and eyebrows that arched a bit higher than usual for a full-blooded human. She lacked the pointed ears typical of many _____ descendants and her blood was red rather than green.”

“____ had never heard such venom in his friend’s voice but he nodded slowly. ____ hesitated a moment before placing one hand on each side of ____’s face and pressing a deep kiss against his lips. ____ stood still only a few moments before returning the kiss. He could taste ____’s tears and felt his own begin to fall. He pulled away and buried his head in ____’s shoulder. ‘I’ve wanted this for a long time, ____.’ ____ lifted ____’s head; they looked at each other in disbelief until finally their lips met again. They did not break this kiss. The night passed without words of sorrow or even words of love. They held each other, they kissed, they allowed themselves to appreciate what they had been too frightened to acknowledge. They fell asleep and their dreams were no longer of things that would never come to pass. ____ awoke the next morning with ____ pressed gently against him. He felt a thrill of bliss when he realized it had not been a dream. The joy passed quickly as he remembered that soon ____would summon ____, soon he would leave. He passed his fingers tenderly through ____’s hair, admiring how peacefully he slept. It was his fault, really, and he knew it. He would not have been so angry if ____ had told ____ he had the ring…he would have almost been able to forgive him faster if he’d told ____ about ____.”

“‘Well, they said we can leave, but we’d have to go back into the Deathlands. And you wouldn’t be allowed your clothes back, even then. And if, by some miracle, we’d make it across the Deathlands to the Northland, the men would execute us because they hate off-worlders.’ ‘Maybe they’re lyin’,’ ____ argued, his face desperate. ‘Maybe the Northlands are … normal. And these people here are the nut cases.’ ‘I might be inclined to consider than possibility, if not for ____,’ ____ said with a sigh, plopping down on the edge of the bed. ‘She wasn’t lying to us, ____. I’ve spent too much time as a politician, and I know when people are lying. Actually, I don’t think any of these women are lying, either.’ ‘So what are we gonna do?’ ____ took a deep breath, trying to look ____ in the face. It was hard, since he was so … bare. Except for the idiotic looking pink pillow. ‘I think we need to try and fit in…listen to me,’ she hissed, lowering her voice. ‘I can’t see any other alternative right now. If we tell them we agree to their living conditions, eventually, maybe, we can locate their military base. And we can either steal a ship, or at the very least, rig some way to send out a distress signal to the Alliance.’”

The Answers:
1. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” [FanFiction] 2. “Harry Potter” [FanFiction] 3. “Twilight” [Twilighted] 4. “Star Trek” [TrekFanFiction] 5. “Lord of the Rings” [FanFiction] 6. “Star Wars” [FanFiction]

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