Of course I thought Johnny Depp was dreamy in “21 Jump Street.” But my childhood crush didn’t turn truly psycho until I saw “Edward Scissorhands.” How did I express my obsession with Johnny? In a totally sane way. I tried to become him. One afternoon when I was home alone, I stole my mom’s manicure kit and taped the different implements to my hands to see what it would feel like to have real scissorhands. Crazy crush behavior or early indicator that I might have goth tendencies in my future? Either way … mortifying.
Inevitably, childhood celeb crushes are only good for one thing: They make you do very embarrassing things. Take, for example, this young lady, Melissa Bell, who may end up in therapy as an adult after she discovers that it might not have been the best idea to read her crush story, “Ashton Kutcher Fan Fiction: The Middle School Dance,” aloud to her school. Poor girl. [BuzzFeed]
Just to make sure that Melissa and I are not alone in our shame, I asked the other ladies at The Frisky to share their most humiliating celebrity crush moments. Some stories you won’t want to miss after the jump.
“I LOOOVED Taylor Hanson. I mean, LOVED. I had a Hanson poster on the back of my bedroom door and all their CDs and even their documentary. In middle school, I wrote the lyrics to a song I thought they could sing and mailed it to the executive producer at a record company listed on the back of one of one of their CDs. Sadly, I never heard back. But in my fantasy, they would want to sing the song and somehow this would lead to them wanting to work more with me, and I’d get adopted as their sister and live with them in Tulsa. Not that I wanted to be their sister, I just wanted to be closer to Taylor.” —Jessica
“I had a huge boner for Axl Rose. I tried to have a yard sale to raise enough money to get a Guns N Roses ticket … and yes, I heart Chinese Democracy. My love is unconditional, obvs.” —Simcha
“I loved Joaquin Phoenix back when he was Leaf Phoenix and starred in ‘Parenthood.’ There was something so sweetly vulnerable about him that made me swoon-so-silly. Then he became Joaquin and got too weird for me.” —Wendy
“I was in looooove with Tyson Beckford. I had more than 40 of his Ralph Lauren ads plastered on my bedroom walls. I went to see him at Bloomingdale’s once. I was the first in line, but when my friend, who is tall and model-esque, approached the table he started to make googly eyes at her and said, ‘Hey, Slim!’ I knew I wasn’t his type and my dream crush was crushed.” —Annika
“It was all about David Bowie for me. I always used to listen to his records (they belonged to my parents), but then when I saw him as the sexy goblin king in ‘Labyrinth’ that huge bulge in his tights totally sealed the deal.” —Erin
“I was obsessed with Simon LeBon of Duran Duran. He was the reason I got into astrology in the first place! I used to spend my lunch hours in junior high trying to contact members of Duran Duran’s family. I got copies of their birth certificates in some magazine and then used the addresses to try to get connected. As you can tell, I didn’t really have so many friends in junior high.” —Kiki
“My first celebrity crush was Wil Weaton who played Wesley Crush on ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation.’ Yes, I was a massive nerd. I sent him multiple fan letters and eventually I got a form postcard back in the mail. It was a photo of him dressed entirely in Batman regalia —hat, t-shirt, AND his denim jacket was COVERED in Batman buttons. This did not stop my crush.
But my second celebrity crush was Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam. He once lived in the same city as I did, so I decided I would find the house he lived in so I could drive by all the time. I did find SOME house that I thought he could have lived in, conveniently only a few blocks from mine, and I used to make my mom do drive-bys. What did I expect to see? A ghost? So effing weird.” —Amelia
“Mine was Davy Jones from the Monkees. When he went solo, I begged my dad to drive me three hours to see him in concert. Afterwards, I made him wait by the stage for more than an hour because I thought, naturally, Davy would come out and say hello. When he didn’t, I burst into tears.” —Kate