Body Issues: Back Titties Are My Arch-Nemesis

I can’t get within 100 feet of a lingerie store without some ho chasing me down with a tape measure trying to tell me I’m wearing the wrong size bra. Girl, I got plenty o’ cleavage thanks to some French lace engineers. But these brassiere peddlers are always quick to point out the flaps on the back. They blame the visual blight on my bad bra, as it must be pinching me to cause that unsightly bulge. Gee, I really appreciate your concern, but actually, I have back fat, rolls, or as my boy bestie calls them, “back titties.” They are permanent. I’ve had them since I was a baby butterball, and they have been a constant source of insecurity. So thanks, shop girl, for pointing them out with disapproval.

OK, I know, she’s just doing her job. And I don’t really care what some undergarment gal thinks of my blubbery love handles. But I have to admit, I really care what someone who finds the front of me sexy will think when he gets a good look at my back.
I’m strong enough to smile through just about any other part of a sexy naked exchange: when my stomach ripple starts to do the wave, when my cellulite divides and conquers my thighs, when my saggy boobs swing like I’m running with water balloons strapped to my chest — I can still stay focused on doing a dude with reckless abandon. But when he’s about to see my back, that is the moment when I feel weak. The lights must be out for me to show him my dark side, but I still hold my breath and cross my fingers that he doesn’t notice.

At least summer is almost over and I can cover them in cold weather fashions. Still, it’s so frustrating that after all the time, energy, and money I’ve spent trying to accept myself, trying to believe that my flaws are endearing, there is still this one part of my body which looms over me. Back titties, if only I could destroy you! But I guess we all have our thing, no?

What’s the last part of your body you want to show when you’re gettin’ down for some sexy times? Let me know in the comments. Let’s let it all hang out together.

[Note: I would like to apologize to the girl in the picture by Flickr photog IStoleTheTV. I only used her because she is an inspiration to me. She is comfortable in her own skin. And also, her tattoo is a slammin' match for that dress. Clearly, she’s an awesome gal!]

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