All The Men I Don’t Regret Hooking Up With In College—And Why

I lived a lot during my college years, which is a tactful way to say I fooled around all over the place. But I don’t regret much. I feel like I “sowed my wild oats” when I had tons of guys around me all the time, so when I focused on my career after college, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. I’m so glad it wasn’t like high school, where I mostly felt trapped, like I was missing out on everything.

It was so freaking refreshing to shed the image I had at my high school in Connecticut—bookish, serious, a little strange—and show new people all the other parts of my personality without all that pressure from the kids who’d pegged me a certain way forever. High school was all about the preppy boys who played lacrosse and wore Abercrombie + Fitch, but I knew out there in the rest of the world were boys who’d see me as more than just a nerd!

Whether you’re marooned in Bumblef**k, Iowa, for the next four years, or you’re a suburban girl in the big city like I was, it’s important for you the sample all kinds of guys the same way you would the course menu of your “formal” education. You’ll be paying off college loans to Sallie Mae for the next two decades, so you may as well look back on that time fondly!

Men I Don’t Regret Hooking Up With In College:

  1. The Charismatic A**hole My college had a guy who everybody referred to as “Bill Clinton” because he was president of the College Democrats and charming as all get out. “Bill” had a “Hillary,” of course, but I was naive enough to believe he’d break up with her for me. Then my roommate saw this snake snogging a girl at the Strawberry Festival and I did all kinds of self-destructive things for weeks on end. Lesson I Hope You Don’t Have To Learn: Sorry, twinkie, but he’s not breaking up with his girlfriend for you.
  2. The Guy Who Took Me To A Sex Club:
  3. The High School Boyfriend Who I Tried To Make It Work With Long-Distance: My Ohio-bound high school boyfriend was a dumped man by Sept. 12, but I look back and smile at what it felt like to be in luuurve. I wish I had as much optimism now as I did when I was 17. Lesson I Hope You Don’t Have To Learn: You’re not meant to be with the guy you lost your virginity with. Probably.
  4. The Guy Who Couldn’t Get It Up: No time is a good time for erectile dysfunction. But in retrospect I don’t regret not sleeping with the jerk who stopping calling me altogether and then made out with one of our school newspaper coworkers.
  5. The French Guy: What do you think young American women do when they study abroad?
  6. The Italian Guy: Seriously, Prague is pretty boring.

The Men I Hooked Up With In College Who I’d Like To Erase From My Memory:

  1. Those Four Guys At The School Newspaper: Have you ever heard the phrase “Don’t piss where you drink”? I’m all for enjoying sex, but take it from me, it’s not a good idea to fool around with too many guys who do the same extra curricular activity. It just makes things awkward when they’re all in the same room together, which they invariably will. Ugh. Mortification.
  2. The Guy Who Lived On My Floor Sophomore Year: Depraved human being that I am, I had a standing date to make out with one of my floormates a couple times a week during lunch. I’d come back from class, we’d toss around my bed, and then I’d jet off to my afternoon job. See “don’t piss where you drink” note above.