Don’t Be This Guy: The Creepy “Georgetown Cuddler”

Ew, this is every woman’s worst nightmare happening in real life: a creepy man dubbed “The Georgetown Cuddler” is going around D.C. college campuses, breaking into dorm rooms, and climbing on top of sleeping women. Last week, a female Georgetown student woke up at 4 a.m. to find a stranger in her home touching her inappropriately, just two days after another student woke up with a man believed to be the Cuddler lying next to her on the couch and covering her face. Apparently, this creep also likes to take a blanket from the victim’s bedroom, lay it on top of her, and then he lies on top of the blanket, too. Oh, and occasionally he tries to rape his victims “with varying success.” The Sexist blog, based in D.C., suggested more appropriate names for this creep could be “The Georgetown Entry-Gainer,” “The Georgetown Blanketlayer” or “The Georgetown Rapist.” Gross. Hopefully, some girl bonks this guy on the head with her vibe so police can catch the perv.

Alas, I know exactly how freaky this is, because the weirdo-in-my-bed thing actually happened to me once. Not with the Georgetown Cuddler, though. More, after the jump… Right after college, I got dumped pretty badly. We’d just had sex, I’d paid for our takeout dinner—and then he broke up with me. (He’s single, ladies!) I lived with my parents then, and I didn’t want to go home to them, so I called a guy friend, who told me to come over his place.

My friend and his girlfriend were just hanging out all night in their apartment, which he shared with a couple of his guy friends. Because I was so shell-shocked from getting dumped like that, my friend and his girlfriend offered to let me sleep in his bed that night and said they’d take the couch.

So in the middle of the night, lying in the dark in a strange apartment, I woke up because I could feel someone else in the bed. I could feel the sag in the mattress and the sheets and blankets being moved and, of course, that was confusing and scary. I thought it was just my friend climbing into bed with me, which struck me as weird because he had a girlfriend, but I said my friend’s name aloud. The male voice responded, in a sleepy way, “Hello.” I said my friend’s name again. By this point, the guy was lying down in the bed next to me. He said “Hello” in that sleepy way again. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my friend’s voice! I froze up like a rabbit and scooted against the wall, then just leapt over his body and off the bed. I had no idea who had been in that bed, so I scampered through the kitchen and into the living room to my friend who, sure enough, was asleep with his girlfriend on the couch. I shook him awake and told him there was a guy in his bed, starting to panic. Rather boldly, my friend got off the couch, stomped to his bedroom and turned the lights on. It turned out to be one of his roommates who’d climbed into bed with me. Ewww.

“GET OUT!” My friend yelled. His roommate, who was lying in bed, right where I’d been sleeping, groggily told him he was tired and wanted to sleep. My friend physically pulled his roommate out of bed, shoved him toward the door, and informed him he could sleep in his own bed. The roommate walked up to me and said, “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” I was so grossed-out by this dude, who was either a sleepwalker or drunk or just a creep pretending to be a sleepwalker or a drunk. I had, after all, just been dumped and maybe this guy thought he had a chance with me or something?

The next morning, as you can imagine, was an awkward one. The roommate apologized and we all laughed it off, but that was it for me sleeping at their place, obviously.