Since taking yourself too seriously should be a crime, I truly appreciate it when people of note take to Funny or Die to completely decimate themselves in mock online dating profiles. This Hailey Glassman Match.com vid seems particularly brave. “I’m looking for someone who’s half Asian, kind of chubs, with hair plugs. Someone who likes Ed Hardy thongs and white chicks who wear their trucker hats to the side,” she says. “About me—I like to party. Get wasted, take cute photos with guns. I can burp the alphabet. I dunno, people say I’d be a great stepmother to eight kids.” But is it just me, or did those burps totally turn your stomach?