Doin’ It With Dr. V: Love Hurts & Sex Bruises

This week I got a letter from a lady who is learning that love may hurt, but sex can leave a bruise: “I met a guy who’s shaping up to be pretty awesome. Except, he squeezed my boobs so hard the other night that i woke up the next morning with black and blue bruises from where his fingers were. Needless to say, next time I see him, we’ll be having a little chit-chat. Or will we? Because when I look in the mirror instead of thinking, ‘Ew, those nasty marks are GROSS!’, my thought process is more along the lines of, ‘Hell yeah, I got some last night!’ I generally have the same reaction when I get hickeys, even if it’s a pain to cover them up and they look horrendous. Is it strange to take pleasure in getting sex scars?”

Yeah! You got some! [Insert victory dance here.] Meanwhile, I was just watching “Project Runway.”

Anyway, I once was in love with a biter. One night, he chomped down on my nips so hard I couldn’t wear a bra for two days. It hurt so good that I’m not even embarrassed to say I like the John Mellencamp song of the same name! No need to be disgusted by yourself. Maybe you’re just discovering that you’re into S&M like a lot of peeps, including yours truly. Psst, I’m an easy bruiser too.

Battle wounds are cool, and love marks are a source of pride — that is, unless they embarrass you at the office. Here’s how I cover ‘em up to save corporate face…If it’s a black and blue bruise, you need a yellow stick concealer. If it’s a red hickey, you need a green stick. Dab that on your blemish and then add some concealer the same color as your skin tone on top. Set it with powder and you’re good to go. No one will ever have to know your dirty little secret.

Well, except for you know who. It sounds like you’ve been having fun letting him do his thing, so don’t throw Mr. Great In Bed off his game by whining about sex you’ve thoroughly enjoyed. Just keep encouraging him while you’re gettin’ a piece of the action. Or if you want to let him know he left fingerprints and you liked it, say something sexy about them. Maybe even text him a topless pic, that is, if you’re not a celeb, politician, or future Miss America. That would be quite a thank you! It sounds like what you’re doing is working. No need to fix or fixate on something that ain’t broke. If he does start to bite too hard in a way that’s unpleasant, instruct him on how much pressure you do enjoy. “Just a little lighter, baby” won’t kill the mood.

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!