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11 Celebs We Want To Ban From Breeding

Our worst nightmare has come true. No, it’s not the apocalypse—it’s spawning season for Heidi and Spencer Pratt. People announced that the next season of “The Hills” will have some changes, including this gem: “Heidi and Spencer are entering some interesting new territory of considering parenthood.” [People]

Noooooooooo! I guess it was inevitable, but do Barbie and Kendouche really have to procreate so soon? I bet they’ve already sold the rights to their unborn baby pictures and I have no qualms saying I think these two should be involuntarily sterilized. They’re Aryan super-villains with a plan to take over the media and they must be stopped! After the jump, 10 other celebrity couples who must be stopped from breeding.

  1. Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney: After “Bachelor” Jason unceremoniously dumped Melissa Rycroft on national TV, things have worked out for the best. Melissa is engaged to another dude and Jason and Molly are still together. But we still can’t wish this couple a happily ever after, complete with baby in the baby carriage.
  2. Victoria and David Beckham: Yes, Posh and Becks are like the sexiest pair ever. But they’ve insisted on naming their first three children Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz—so breeding rights revoked until further notice.
  3. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar: “18 Kids And Counting“? Quit counting, please.
  4. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson: There is only one reason we include these two on the list—if Kristen and Robert were ever to have a baby together, the collective screaming of “Twilight” fans would be so loud that the world would probably implode.
  5. Jon and Kate Gosselin: Obviously it’s not much of a risk that they’ll make any more babies together. But just in case Jon is planning on setting up a franchise with all the aspiring model/actresses he’s latched on to, it might be best to get a vasectomy while he’s ahead.
  6. Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight: It’s been forevs since this couple first got together on “The Surreal Life.” Even though they’ve been married since 2006, it still totally freaks us out that America’s first next top model is diddling Peter Brady. No kidlets for them.
  7. Nicole and Joel Madden: They’ve got another baby on the way, but depending on whether or not this one looks exactly like Joel, maybe they should adopt? I liked Nicole a lot better when she was hilarious and chubby in a not preggers way.
  8. Britney Spears and Jason Trawick: No offense, Jason. And you know we love you, Brit. But seriously, two is the right number of kids for you. Trust me.
  9. Dina and Michael Lohan: Sure they’re already divorced. But since they’re both dating and both awful human beings, just to be safe let’s cut them off now.
  10. Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski: We think “The Bachelorette” couple is only still together to make endorsement deals, since it looks pretty clear that Ed cheated on her. So heaven forbid they shoot for an Us Weekly spread with a lil’ one. We think Jillian deserves way better. If she moves on, we’ll give her back her license to breed.
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