• Relationships

Dating Don’ts: Four Signs He’s Not The One

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OK, first of all, let me make it clear that I don’t believe in the concept of “the one.” I think each of us has more like the “top 40” or even “winning 100,” depending on how much ground you cover. But even in a world brimming with possibilities, at some point in our lives most of us have found ourselves infatuated with a guy who was just completely wrong for us. Not that he was necessarily a bad guy—he was just a dude we should’ve relegated to fling territory instead of fooling ourselves into thinking had long-term potential.

Here are a few factors that may give you a case of the stupids…1. Timing

As the cliché goes, timing is everything, which is why it’s important to keep it in mind when you meet someone new after coming off a long dry spell or a truly horrendous relationship. Loneliness, fear of dying alone, and yes, desperation, can cloud a lady’s judgment more effectively than a six-pack and a blindfold. Take it from someone who wasted almost a year of her life trying to turn a nearly homeless alcoholic into boyfriend material. Sigh.

Clues: Your friends look vaguely alarmed and/or repulsed when you introduce them to your new man. Another is when you’re too embarrassed to even introduce him in the first place. (Hey, you might be desperate, but you’re not stupid.)

2. The Hotness Factor

Obviously, being attracted to the guy you’re dating is very important, but if a killer butt and a winning smile are all he has going for him, enjoy it while you’ve got it; just don’t try to turn it into love. It’s lust and there isn’t anything wrong with that

Clues: If you frequently find yourself tuning out when he’s prattling on about who knows what and instead daydreaming about how foxy he looked wearing nothing but your roommate’s towel this morning. Ditto if, after a week or two of dating, you’ve forgotten everything he’s ever told you, except that he has an identical twin brother who’ll be visiting in two weeks, four days and six-and-a-half hours.

3. Availability

It’s a sad truism that we all want what we can’t have, but some of us take it to a whole other level—constantly torturing ourselves over the otherwise engaged or the utterly uninterested. I’ve even known chicks that regularly fall for gay dudes, knowing full well it’s never going to happen. If you’re that into a challenge you’re either scared of getting into an actual relationship or you’re one psycho broad. Either way, you lose.

Clues: Your girlfriends no longer introduce you to their boyfriends. Your gay friends get nervous around you, if they bother coming around at all. Even your shrink openly rolls her eyes when you talk about your love life. Snap out of it, woman!

4. Booty Blinders

When women are sexually satisfied our bodies are flooded with a bonding hormone called Oxytocin. This means, the better a guy is in the sack, the more likely we are to think him awesome outside of the bedroom. Even when he’s not. As you might imagine, this can lead to confusion. “B-b-b-but we have such amazing chemistry—doesn’t that make us soul mates?” In a word: NO. Not necessarily anyway. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be bed mates for a while.

Clues: Your only conversations take place while both of you are naked and generally involve directions (“Over here!” “No, there!”) or indecipherable grunts and moans. Interactions outside the bedroom tend to be light on words, heavy on petting.

Like I said, none of these scenarios are necessarily negatives. In fact, some of them can be quite fun. It’s all about keeping things in perspective.

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