Weep, Ladies! The Man Of Our Dreams Is Off The Market

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep—I am overcome with heartbreak knowing that the man of my dreams is off the market. This unemployed father of seven children by seven baby mamas is preparing for a shotgun wedding to the eighth! Being single is hard, and when I think of the kind of guy I’m looking for, I know that Brit Keith MacDonald embodies all of the qualities that I dream of. I only ask myself why I couldn’t have met him before his fiancée, 20-year-old Claire Bryant? The story is sooo romantic. Check out the swoon-worthy details after the jump.The two unemployed lovebirds were at a bus stop, when a drunken Keith approached Claire and asked her out. They fell in love on the bus ride and Claire bought Keith lunch afterward since his government funds didn’t really allow for extras like food or the care of his seven children. I don’t judge you, Keith. It’s hard to admit to a lady that you don’t see any of your children because it’s too much of a hassle, but Claire understood. Compassion, people … that’s what makes it work. It wasn’t long before Claire knew Keith was the one she wanted to have babies with, so the two ditched the condoms and, before long, there was a bun in Claire’s oven. Sigh. Soon after, he proposed with a $15 ring he got at a pawnshop and Claire said yes. I’m so jealous!

Since then, the happy couple has moved into a two-bedroom house and is living off of the government. Everyday, Claire watches TV and Keith surfs the web. Then they cruise around town, pop into the unemployment office and look for jobs, though they haven’t found anything just yet. But really who cares about work when you’re in love? Congratulations, Claire. You bagged a good one. May all of us single ladies find a man like Keith. [Daily Mail]