Getting Cast On “The Hills” Isn’t Easy But Pays Bank

Doug Reinhardt, the baseball player who dated Lauren Conrad, recently reunited with Paris Hilton, and has the douchiest website ever, can’t seem to get himself back onto “The Hills.” According to the New York Post, the other show regulars get paid ridiculous amounts of money for their appearances. But Doug guest stars for free and just can’t seem to snag a contract. [NY Post]

Yes, yes, we’ve figured out by now that “The Hills” are alive with the sound of bulls**t. But how exactly does one get “cast” on this show? How do these contracts and payouts work? And who’s raking in the most? Read on.Obviously, cast members can bring serious boyfriends or friends on, but the producers have to approve them. And if the person is going to become an integral part of the show, they’ll negotiate a salary. Once they’ve signed on the dotted line, when the producers say jump, they have to ask how high. According to the LA Times, former Bolthouse employee, and reality show roadkill, Elodie Otto, received a call from producers asking her to fill in a gap in the storyline by calling Heidi to tell her about a job opening at the company. Meanwhile, former People’s Revolution employee Jessica Trent was edited to look like a total idiot in front of the terrifying Kelly Cutrone. She wrote on her blog, “For some it probably gave them great pleasure to see me appear dimwitted or sad on the mocu-drama… For others with more developed minds, they’ll see crafty editing turning a real person into some faux dolt persona for the entertainment sake of the televised machine.” You tell ‘em, girl. [LA Times]

Now, are you ready to feel really miserable about how much you get paid for working your butt off? Here is the salary breakdown for the cast of “The Hills”:

  • Lauren Conrad was the highest paid star of “The Hills,” raking in a reported $1.4 million for the fourth season, which is about $75,000 per episode. According to In Touch Weekly, “The only reason LC gets paid more than anyone else is because she demanded in her original contract that no one could ever get paid more than her.” Good thinking, Lauren. [Pop Crunch]
  • Now that Kristin Cavallari is taking over as queen bee, she’ll be making a reported $63,000 per episode. [Pop Crunch]
  • But, according to reports in 2008, that’s less than Heidi and Spencer, who each pulled in $65,000 per episode. That’s $1.25 million a year for their “Children of the Corn” antics.
  • Professional actress/receptionist Audrina Patridge, who was cast as Lauren and Heidi’s friend, makes $35,000 per episode. That’ll probably be upgraded with her new venture, “The Audrina Show,” coming in 2010, but not before Cavallari goes after all her ex-boyfriends. [EW]
  • Whitney Port, who parlayed “The Hills” into her own show “The City,” was making $20,000 per episode ($380,000 annually) in 2008. Presumably, she makes much more now that she’s a star and can kind of maintain a real job, even though she just left Diane von Furstenberg to work for People’s Revolution again. And along with her move to New York, Whitney was gifted with new photogenic “friends” who she’d presumably never met before. [Defamer]
  • Brody Jenner dated both Cavallari and Conrad, and for his pains was awarded $10,000 per episode, which in my opinion isn’t nearly enough to pretend to be friends with Spencer Pratt.
  • Lauren “Lo” Bosworth made the same amount and currently supplements her income being the Yaz birth control spokeswoman in Canada. Because if anything is a motivator for having protected sex, it’s the cast of “The Hills.”[PR Week]
  • Stephanie Pratt made a paltry $8,000 per episode or ($152,000 annually) for crying a lot and messing up everyone’s friendship dynamics.
  • Now stop calculating how many bags of Cheetos you could buy with $8,000 and just remind yourself that along with your dignity, sanity, and maintenance of your intellectual reputation, you’re very happy you aren’t on a reality TV show. Very happy to be eating Ramen with your cat in the privacy of your four-roommate apartment. Now pat yourself on the back. Good job, you!