Doin’ It With Dr. V: I’m Not A Size Queen

When it comes to orgasms, we all are left wondering what will make the magic happen for us. For ladies, sometimes seeing an impressive instrument is believing. Heck, even I obsessed over “How To Predict The Size Of A Penis.” But does the distance of his dong really matter when it comes to coming? I’ve found penises are like money. Those who are loaded don’t necessarily know how to spend it. It’s hard to get a trust-fund kid to work for it! And, in my vast experience, I’ve found the men who have got plenty to spare simply rely on their endowment. But any girl can tell you, whether it’s a giant trouser anaconda or a barely visible pants snake in the grass, no man who is lazy in bed will ever get his partner off.

Now, to continue with the cash analogy, a good man who’s born with a disadvantage (in his underpants) will work twice as hard to earn recognition. He doesn’t want to be considered poor. So, ladies, the lesson here is this: If you wanna get more bang for your buck, don’t be a size queen.

I once dated a guy who was convinced he was so big he would only be a bottom because, in the heat of the moment, he was afraid he’d dig right through me. And what? Hit China? As much as we all like to ride ‘em cowgirl, his cocky attitude was lame. I wound up doing all the work. Sure, he was a lot to look at, but give me something else I can feel. If I just wanted a phallus to play with, I would have just bought a dildo and skipped shaving my legs.

On the other hand, I’ve been with a guy who was so small that even getting him naked was a chore. He was the best BF ever, though — so thoughtful, so generous, so sweet. To know him was to love him. He gladly charmed the pants off all my friends, but when it came to his own, they stayed on. The guy was beyond shy. In fact, I never saw it in the light. He was so insecure about his inch worm, even I couldn’t compliment him enough for him to really put it to use. While I always got taken care of in other ways, he was completely put off from sex because he didn’t think he had the right equipment. And it broke my heart. If I wanted to have a blast with his pocket rocket, why couldn’t he?

Clearly, when we first meet a man, we shake his hand, not his penis. What’s underneath the pants is a mystery and if we’re hot for you, we’ll wait to find out. So, if we’re willing to follow you down the path to your zipper, we’re already there and we don’t care. It’s like when I pop my bra open and you don’t mind how padded it is. There’s no complaint because you want me.

The bottom line is, even if you asked women point-blank if we prefer a big banana or a plucky plantain, you’ll find we ladies like as much of a variety as men do. Some bros like curvy pin-up cuties, while others like straight-up model-esque hotties. Gals are the same way with preference! Large doesn’t always mean in charge. Especially if you’re into anal, you can be grateful you’re not packing something that would put you in a predicament.

While women seemingly drool over bulges, it’s just what we have to ogle. Bigger isn’t always better, we know that. Besides, the clit is where it’s at! [Whoa, Dr. Seuss in da house. — Editor] So focus, dudes.

I’ve never met a woman who picked a boyfriend by his penis size. A fling, sure — we’re all a little tacky when we want to be cheap. But by no means is a peen going to make you or break you. Sex is a whole mix of chemistry, natural gifts, and talent. If you build it up, she will come … over and over again!

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!