New Favorite Blog: Emails From Crazy People

Do you save the crazy emails you receive? Umm … I have an entire arsenal of them. About six years ago, I started a file in my inbox labeled “INSANE” and I have been growing my collection ever since. Nothing cheers me up like reading an insane email thread. Truly. That’s why this new blog, Emails From Crazy People, is helping me laugh my way through the dog days of summer. The site features the kind of insanity that only email can capture—like those crazy emails from the GF while her BF was in Europe. After the jump, two of my favorite crazytown emails from the site plus two rare gems from my own personal collection. You’re welcome.After 20 years of no contact, one day Sean opens his email to find this from a former classmate. What ever happened to sending a cover letter and resume?

Things aren’t going that good. There is a black homosexual stalking me named Larry B. He has threatened to kill me if I don’t sleep with him.
I’m not homosexual. As a matter of fact, I talked to a few people who told me that he has stalked people in the past. He has killed people. Because of him I had to quit my job at xxxxx. I filed a claim with the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission against xxxxx for negligent hiring. The response from the EEOC was “Well, we talked to xxxxx, they said you can have your job there again.” I don’t think so. Why would I want to work at a job with somebody who threatened to kill me? The EEOC is useless.
I got a job at xxxx here in xxxx. Larry B and the District Manager got me fired from that job. He broke into my grandmother’s house where I’m staying. I filed a police report. I was told that they couldn’t do anything unless they caught him breaking in.
Are there any jobs where you live? Is there a possibility that I could stay with you for a little while? I really need to leave xxxxx to get away from this black homosexual.

This thread about an eBay auction seems harmless enough … but read on, my friends, to learn MD’s smelly little secret. But wait? Why was someone auctioning off old socks in the first place? That’s almost crazier.

From: J— G
Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2003 18:32:11 -0500
To: M D—-
Subject: Auction
eBay cancelled my auction. Just curious, why did you want my old socks?

From: mdoyle
Date: Mon, Nov 24, 2003 at 8:28 AM
Subject: RE: Auction
To: J— G
Hello again J—,
thanks for getting back to me re your auction…..and sorry to hear that ebay cancelled it!!!!
I wanted your old sweaty smelly socks cos i have a foot and sock fetish…..sweaty socks really turn me on (i’m a slave to them)……and the
sweatier and smellier they are…..the better!!!! So if you still want to sell them i’d definitely be interested!!!
I’ve bought other socks from the USA before and they usually charge about $7.00 for postage and packing……if i were to offer you $5.00 for the
socks…..i could make you a payment via PAYPAL for a total of $12.00…..
would this be acceptable????

This one from a former co-worker who I referred to as CCB (Crazy Cookoo Bananas). She was hired because she was in a new age cult with one of the company owners. When she arrived to the first day of work, she revealed that she didn’t know how to use a computer or do math. One day, I sent an email to check in and this is the response I received.

It has taken me a few months to understand certain aspects of this job. There are certain things that I just haven’t taken care of in a long time and that part of my brain needed some adjustment time. Forgive me—it’s not my genius!
Personally, I have a lot on my mind. Roommate sent me an e-mail this morning. She’s been really distant lately which is not unusual—she’s an introvert when left on her own. But she’s decided that she needs to live on her own and really set up her career(totally understand)–but she’s moving out June 1. I, frankly, don’t have the money to be moving right now. I’m barely going to be making things work as it is but I’m sure it will all work out. That’s what my guru says. And in spite of doing Yoga and meditation sessions every day, I am having a “fat day”. I’m not saying I feel like I’m fat, I just call it having a “fat” day when I don’t feel spiritually vibrant and full of life…probably just need sleep and a run. I have my period too which is never fun.

Light and Love!

This special gem is from a guy I went on ONE date with. Hmm … wonder why it didn’t work out between us?

Hey there — You havin’ a super cool weekend? I’m not — because I’m at work … anyway, I wanted you to know that I think I jumped the gun a little on Thursday night; got wrapped up in the moment (passion). I found some trouble during this last week, and I need to do some life-work to get back on track.

I guess I’m kind of a moody guy sometimes, but my therapist says it’s more that certain things need to be in line for me to relax and embrace a good thing — Otherwise it’s all tainted by my mind not being with it or straight … My mind is focused on so many things — so much to worry about all the time. Basically, as s**tty as it sounds, you can hang around and see if I can get my s**t together and find you, or you can bail on me (as if you didn’t know those were the choices) — I just have a new thing about being fair, honest, up-front with this stuff (we’re getting old). And our first date, although very steamy, was almost overload for me, made me wanna take some time — welcome to honesty — gotta get back to work now

Do you have any good crazy emails to share?