This week, I got a letter from a lady who’s full of hot air:
“Last night, I was trying to impress this guy I’ve been seeing by trying to bend like a pretzel in bed. Unfortunately, I farted while moving my leg over. It was loud, it was smelly. It was so embarrassing. There was a definite pause … and then we just kept going. It was the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me. Will he ever think I’m sexy again? It was only the fourth time we had sex.”
Everyone farts. Sure, it’s a shame you did it while doin’ it. But as anyone who has been in a long-term relationship can attest to, you will pass gas in your significant other’s general direction at some point. It’s inevitable. There is no such thing as the Apocalypse Fart in a relationship. Sex plays and messes with a whole lot of bodily functions, so if he’s going to diss you over one little toot, forget him!
While I’m not sure this will make you feel any better, I recommend going on YouTube and searching “sexy girl fart.” You will be shocked at not just the number of videos, but probably also the sniff factor. I know I was, and I thought I had seen everything. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from those vids (besides that I do still have a gag reflex) and my own bloopers in the bedroom, you just have to laugh it off. Lighten the mood by giving it your best giggle! After all, who doesn’t like a good fart joke?
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!