A-Z Guide To Male Names

A website called DJMICK has posted an A-Z guide to female names in which they call Amelia “a bit old-fashioned,” Anneka (their spelling) “sporty in and out of the bedroom,” Catherine as one who “needs ironing,” and Wendy as a woman who “works on a building site, possibly a man.” What?! Well, we can play that game, too! After the jump, my A-Z guide to male names. Adam — Drives a big car to make up for his little penis.

Brad — Swings both ways.

Charles — Sweet, but cannot turn off The History Channel.

David — Cries like a girl.

Ethan — Bad kisser.

Frank — Has a bit of a gambling problem.

George — Not the brightest bulb in the pack.

Hank — Strong, stable, dependable.

Ian — Makes a great gay boyfriend.

Jake — Lovable loser.

Kevin — Doesn’t know how to tie a bow tie.

Lester — Can’t stand the taste of eggs.

Mike — Thinks every day’s gonna be his last.

Nathan — Used to be a girl.

Oliver — Can’t say his “s’s”

Patrick — Secretly worships Prince.

Quincy — Bad speller.

Rob — Is good with dogs.

Steven — Potent sperm.

Taylor — 40-year-old virgin.

Usher — Like anchovies on his pizza.

Victor — Gallant: will hold umbrellas over women’s heads on a rainy day

William — Excellent tennis player. Not good at much else.

Xavier — Works hard, plays hard.

Yates — Grew up in Jersey, but has a fake British accent.

Zach — Good kisser.