Oh, Jessica Simpson. The word on the street is that Simpson is planning to write a tell-all about her life, from her lovahs to her “love luggage” (her weight issues). Jessica, can’t you join a global cause and put your energy into that? If she’d learned anything from her past relationship snafus, she would know that she needs to find herself and stop defining herself through men. After the jump, the dirty deets on Tony Romo, John Mayer, Dane Cook, and Jude Law (yes, Jude Law) that Jessica is allegedly putting in her book.
- Allegation # 1: Tony Romo liked Jess to dress up as a cheerleader, but with garter belts, stockings, and high heels. And he’d bring food into the bedroom.
Response: Jocks’ sexual fantasies are so predictable. Next.
- Allegation # 2: John Mayer would talk baby talk in bed and was always begging her to go to sex parties “just to look.”
Response: John, you perv. Dealbreaker.
- Allegation # 3: While filming “Employee of the Month,” Jessica fell for comedian Dane Cook “when he made her laugh so hard he made her pee her pants on the set.”
Response: Dear Jess, when writing a tell-all, make yourself look like the hero. That means you don’t admit that you peed yourself.
- Allegation #4: She’ll write about the wild night she had with Jude Law in New York, and how close she came to being his baby mama.
Response: Jessica, please read our condom commandments. Just because he’s famous does not mean you can forgo the condom. [Celebitchy]