The Mouse House Is Too Cheesy For The Diary of Anne Frank Or Any Literature Classic

Disney is teaming up with Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Mamet to make a movie out of The Diary of Anne Frank. Seeing the words “Disney” and “Anne Frank” in the same sentence seems a little strange to me. They know this one doesn’t end with the prince and princess living happily ever after, right? Hopefully, Disney is going live-action and not looking to cast Miley Cyrus in the lead. [Variety] It may be too late for Anne Frank, but here are a few other classics we’d advise Disney to stay away from.

  • Animal Farm: I’m sure Disney would love the idea of making yet another movie about talking animals, but George Orwell’s satire would be lost on a bunch of drooling two-year-olds.
  • War and Peace: We’d be kind of interested to see how Disney would costume the characters in this Russian epic novel, but they’d probably cut a few hundred pages from Leo Tolstoy’s classic.
  • Uncle Tom’s Cabin: Surely, Disney shouldn’t option Harriet Beecher Stowe’s controversial race tome. But I didn’t think they’d attempt Anne Frank, either.
  • To Kill a Mockingbird: We heart this book by Harper Lee. Don’t do it, Disney. If you do, Vanessa Hudgens cannot play Scout.
  • Justine: Disney should know better than to try and make a movie out of the Marquis de Sade’s erotic classic. We can hear kids asking, “Mommy, what’s bondage?”
  • Night: Disney should stay away from Holocaust flicks altogether.
  • Where the Red Fern Grows: In this children’s book about animals, ninety percent of the main characters don’t live. We hear the sound of third graders being traumatized.

What book would you be nervous to see in Disney’s hands?