Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Palin’s Divorce, Britney’s Bod, And More “Bachelorette” Drama?

Ahh, humpday. Time to woman-up for the remainder of the week and take solace in the fact that while you have to be at work, the only people that care to gossip about you are hovering around the water cooler pointing at you right now. You could be famous and getting pummeled by the rumor mill on a weekly basis! Here are the highlights from the tabloids this week.

OK! Magazine is flaunting Britney Spears has a new, new bikini body, and she lost 20 pounds in four weeks. The secret was the Sunfare diet, a fancy meal delivery company, and at least two (up to eight) hours a day of dancing. Britney allegedly texted her mom a photo with the caption, “Look how good I look!” [OK!] — Oh, only two hours of exercise a day? Super.
Us Weekly is sticking with “Bachelorette” news (AGAIN) with a tiny bit of new insight on Ed Swiderski’s shady behavior. Apparently, Swiderski spoke openly about having a girlfriend to the other contestants, and while everyone else had to relinquish their computers and cellphones, Ed had an agreement to keep his in order to keep up with his job as a Microsoft consultant. While he told Jillian Harris that he had to leave to focus on his job, he emailed “I love you” to his girlfriend a few days prior. [UsWeekly] — What a cheesedick.
Sarah Palin and her husband Todd are getting a divorce, according to Star Magazine, which reports that the couple argues constantly. Also, Todd sleeps on the couch, and they are “losing control of their party-loving daughters.” [Star Magazine] — Bristol already had a kid. In the words of “Juno,” what other kind of shenanigans could she possibly get in to?
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart can no longer keep their love under wraps, so they spent five days together in Los Angeles after months apart. Life & Style says that during a recent flight, Robert’s cast member said to him, “I thought you were going to keep it undercover?” [Life & Style] — Wait, months apart? Hasn’t there been a secret rendezvous every week?
Supposedly, Kirstie Alley only has four months left to live, and a deadly disease has taken over her body. The National Enquirer isn’t sharing the important parts online, but perhaps this is one tabloid you can sneak a peek at in the grocery store checkout line? [National Enquirer] — I’m gonna be pissed if the punchline is obesity.