Down with Emily Post! Don’t you wish that just once, you could go to dinner with your boss, parents, or in-laws and not act like a charm school graduate? BuzzFeed agrees and has wisely compiled a list of “Stupidest Table Manners and How to Resist Them.” Their gripes include eating soup with a spoon (say no to aristocracy by drinking with a straw!), elbows on the table, napkins in the lap, no burping, and no playing with your food. Don’t know what to do when you encounter multiple forks at fancy restaurants? The solution is simple: “Side-step the utensils. God gave you hands for a reason.” [BuzzFeed.com]
It’s about time someone did away with pretentious rules. We’ve got a few of our own to add to BuzzFeed’s list:
- Waiting for others to eat. When people who haven’t gotten their dishes insist, “Go ahead, eat!” they are asking you to eat. So do it. Cold scrambled eggs are especially nasty.
- Cleaning your plate. Feel guilty for leaving uneaten food? This, dear friends, is where the origins of the American obesity epidemic started. As for that “starving kids in Africa” thing that your mom guilt-tripped you with, start a FedEx program. Otherwise, save your food for leftovers or compost it.
- Using chopsticks in Asian restaurants. If you don’t know how to use chopsticks, don’t pretend. Ask for a fork. It’s not the end of the world.
- Eating and chewing slowly. When you’re starving, it’s no fun to gradually nourish your stomach pains by daintily cutting up your food. At that rate, by the time you’re finished with your meal, you’ll be hungry again.
- Dieting. A friend invites you over for dinner and you only eat two bites of the meal? Just eat it. It won’t kill you. Of course, vegetarians, vegans, or those with food allergies are off the hook. You might want to become one of them.
- Slouching at the table. Sitting up straight is uncomfortable. Did not the Romans recline while eating? It’s called history people!