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A “Saved by the Bell” Porno? Eleven Other ’90s TV Skin Flicks We Bet Will Soon Be In The Works

Who cares about the “Saved By The Bell” reunion? Think “Saved by the Bell” sexual union instead. Yes, the folks at Hustler are hard at work on a porn parody of our friends at Bayside High: “This Ain’t Saved by the Bell XXX.” Noooo! I don’t want to see Mr. Belding call Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley, pre-“Showgirls”) into the principal’s office for a spanking. Or Kelly Kapowski perform a strip routine on a pole at The Max, seductively removing her Keds and cutoff jean shorts. Or Screech getting shoved in his locker naked! Come to think of it, I bet they could get Dustin Diamond to participate after all. Point being: I’m so excited … I mean … I’m so scared! This was my childhood, dammit!

After the jump, more ’80s and ’90s television shows we have a feeling will soon go XXX.

  1. Family Ties: Yes, I own the “Family Ties” board game. So what? I do want to see conservatives and liberals getting along—not experimenting with bondage.
  2. Facts of Life: A bunch of high school girls sharing a dorm room? It’s too easy. Tootie, Blair, Natalie, Jo. Keep those ugly polyester uniforms on!
  3. 21 Jump Street: OK, maybe I do want to see Johnny Depp (officer Tom Hanson) naked while reciting my Miranda rights.
  4. Golden Girls: Some people have a fetish for the “mature ladies.” No more commentary.
  5. Family Matters: Steve Urkel is not the hot next-door neighbor anyone would want to show up asking to borrow sugar (translation: have sex in the kitchen). Besides, Jaimee Foxworth (who played Judy on the show) swears her days as a porno actress are over. Just ask Oprah.
  6. Growing Pains: Mike “Beaver” (Kirk Cameron) watches his “member” come of age. Dr. “Beaver,” a psychiatrist (Alan Thicke), helps clients with their sexual problems. WRONG!
  7. Full House: I think the Olsen twins are about due for a porno parody, don’t you think? Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, and John Stamos. No, no, and maybe?
  8. Blossom: Blossom wears a floral dress and bowler hat and dances sexily. Six has a sixsome? Anyone? Anyone? Didn’t think so.
  9. Who’s the Boss? I don’t want to see Tony Danza and Judith Light participating in S&M.
  10. Silver Spoons: Ricky rides Alfonso around on his giant toy train. All aboard!
  11. Different Strokes: It has the word “strokes” in the title. What you talkin’ about, Willis? If you don’t know, I can’t tell you.
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