This week, I got a letter from a woman who’s worried she doesn’t know her own strength:
“I’m finally seeing a new guy regularly and he’s great, but we’re having a major issue in the bedroom department. I’ve always had glowing reviews before, and this new guy and I are definitely compatible, but sometimes we have to stop because somehow I’ve … bent his penis? The last time it happened, I had already orgasmed, but he was telling me he might not be able to (another really frustrating problem, but a more manageable one — he said he was tired). Anyway, he pulled out too far mid-thrust and then instead of going straight back in there, he got off track and ended up smushing himself against me and hurting himself! This has happened before but I thought it was due to dryness, so we added lube and things were fine for a while, but it’s happened since and dryness was not to blame. I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong or what, but I’m starting to get concerned and I don’t want him to be disappointed and writhing in pain every time we have sex! It doesn’t happen every single time, but it’s enough that it’s a problem. Please help me!”
Oh girl, this is an emergency! Here’s how you can play doctor.
Amazingly enough, it’s totally possible to do damage to a penis. Even though there are no bones in a boner, you can still injure his inches. For example, if you get on top and miss his tip, you could sit on his penis in a way that causes it to bend in a way that’s not natural. So, easy does it, cowgirl! You’ll know something has gone wrong if there’s a snap noise, bruising, swelling, and instant pain, the kind you can’t ignore and needs immediate medical attention and treatment. Now, this sexy time accident isn’t that common and it’s also fixable. Whew! Make sure you hit the emergency room ASAP. Usually, the poor dude just winds up with a functional, potentially bent banana, no biggie. Click here for everything you need to know about a “broken” penis.
With all that said, I think your man is really losing his erection and is too embarrassed to tell you. He could be mentally, physically or drunkenly blocked. It sounds like he’s afraid to communicate the real problem to you, likely because your relationship is new. If you want to play Nancy Drew and figure out what’s wrong, have a chat with him in private and at a casual time. Start with a compliment like, “I heart sex with you, babe. And you always get me off. Now, you’re so good to me between the sheets, what can I do to make you feel as hot as you make me feel?” Don’t put pressure on his penis to perform, just boost his ego. Maybe he’ll open up about what’s been going on…
Now, whatever the cause of this problem is, it’s not your fault. On the up side, he’s still satisfying you! Of course it’s heartbreaking that you don’t feel like you’re reciprocating, but don’t let it get you both down. I do feel your frustration though. Every gal has been in this position, stuck with a penis that won’t put out. It’s important not to freak him out about it. Maintain a carefree appearance that you’re really into the sex you’re having. Don’t take his problem personally! And if you don’t make it a thing, it won’t be an issue between the two of you. So, absolutely continue to make him generous offers of sexual favors, especially if they don’t require an erection. Check out: “What To Do When He Can’t Get It Up.” I recommend giving him a massage, a hot makeout sesh, or masturbating for him.
But the real job here isn’t the blow or hand kind, it’s keeping things playful and sexy for both of you, even in the face of a downer. You’ve got the right stuff baby.