10 Ways To Punish A Cheater That Are Totally Legal And Not (Too) Psycho

You don’t have to be Jennifer Aniston to think the four women who Krazy-Glued a cheater’s penis to his stomach were way harsh and beyond psycho.

But in our less scrupulous/mature moments, many of us want to punish our ex, especially if he was a cheater. Ladies, let’s keep it legal (and Krazy Glue-free), OK? Refer to our list after the jump for some ideas:

  1. Email his crappiest crap email to Jezebel.com’s Crap Email From A Dude and when they publish it, discreetly post the link as your Gchat away message.
  2. Call up your hottest platonic male friend, grab your digital camera and go do something adorable together. Now it’s time to create a Facebook photo album full of pics of you looking smiley. (Bonus points if your ex was slightly paranoid that this guy had a thing for you).
  3. Permanently adopt that comfy sweatshirt he left at your place. Especially if he’s the one who caused the breakup, he probably doesn’t have the cojones to ask for it back now.
  4. Gain that extra 10 lbs that fills you out nicely, like Joan Holloway on “Mad Men”…
  5. … or lose that extra 10 lbs so you can fit into your sexy jeans again. Either way, this also requires a Facebook photo album.
  6. You might hear from his mom, sisters, or other family members you were close to after the breakup, especially if you dated for a long time. Airing too much of your dirty laundry to them will make you look like a psycho. But if he did cheat on you (and you didn’t cheat back), it couldn’t hurt to mention how his bad behavior led to the split. He surely didn’t tell them the truth about why you broke up! And any mom or sister worth her salt will tear into your ex when they learn that’s why he lost a great girl like you.
  7. Ignore every single text, Tweet, Facebook poke and email from here on out. But kept posting stuff on your social networking sites on the regular.
  8. If you’re a songwriter or a poet, well, you know what to do. The guy who caused Ani Di Franco to write the song “Untouchable Face” probably hasn’t forgotten what he did.
  9. Penning aggressive-aggressive emails (as opposed to passive-aggressive ones) is always therapeutic.
  10. Spend a few months feeling down. Indulge in some therapy. Do some fun things single women do. Work extra-hard at your job and get a promotion. Go take a trip or buy some new clothes. Whenever you’re ready, go meet a new guy. Fall in love. Have tons of great sex. Laugh a lot. Talk about baby names and where you want your honeymoon to be. The next time you run into your ex, mention all the great things that have happened in your life since you broke up … or just smile.
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