Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Kelly Ripa’s Non-Boob Job? “The Bachelorette” Sleaze?

This week, the tabloids had a very diverse spattering of cover stories that dealt with more than just the usual suspects. No “Twilight” drama, no Jon and Kate—just fascinating leads about Kelly Ripa not getting a boob job and Dr. Phil maybe sexually abusing someone over two decades ago. So you don’t have to face the embarrassment of hugging five tattered ‘bloids to your chest at the checkout counter, we found the stories you need to know. Well, maybe “need” is a strong word.

Star Magazine reported on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s “broken home.” Apparently, Brad invited Angelina to the “Inglourious Basterds” premiere in Berlin and then uninvited her two days before the event. Then he proceeded to get drunk with his ex-lover, German director Katja von Garnier. Then Angie allegedly called incessantly and instead of answering, Brad turned his phone off. [Star] — The best part is when they refer to the children as the “littlest victims,” cause heaven knows their lives could be worse. (Adopt me, Brad and Angie!)
According to Us Weekly, Ed Swiderski from “The Bachelorette” slept with his ex-girlfriend Lindsey Johnson eight days after proposing to Jillian Harris. A day later, they say he tried to get busy with another woman, Bethany Steffen, texting her, “Bring beer and condoms.” [Us Weekly] — I don’t know…he sounds like a catch, right?
Kelly Ripa told Life & Style that she has no intention of getting a boob job, and prefers to have her clothes altered to fit her size. The “Live With Regis and Kelly” co-host said, “I like to say I’m a 32A long, I’ve added the long because I’ve nursed three kids.” [Life&Style] — I’m not sure why not getting a boob job is a cover story, but um, kudos?
Sara Morrison, a former patient of Dr. Phil McGraw has come out in the National Enquirer saying that Dr. Phil sexually abused her in the mid 1980s. The woman was a college student at the time, and was home for the summer, so became his paid intern while continuing to see him as a patient. She says, “Phil would pull me down to sit in his lap while he talked on the phone to patients, other doctors, even his wife! He’d be running his hand up and down the inside of my thigh all the way up to my panties.” At the time Dr. Phil was eight years into his second marriage. [National Enquirer] — What’s with the fetishization of interns in this country? I hardly made out with anyone when I was an intern!
OK! Magazine is not budging on this Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey thing. Now, apparently Jessica is partying with John Mayer, trying to make him jealous. [OK Magazine] — Isn’t it just as likely that she’s trying to get back together with John Mayer, since he’s the good lover one, while Nick’s the one whose peen she dissed? Do they not have women on staff or something?