What Exactly Did Bill Clinton Do To Get Laura Ling And Euna Lee Released So Darn Quickly?

It’s as if Bill Clinton boarded a plane, showed up in North Korea, said “Abracadabra!” and had Laura Ling and Euna Lee home minutes later. The two Current TV reporters are officially back in America and have been reunited with their families. We are ecstatic to hear this amazing news, but are dying to know—what exactly did Clinton do to get them released so quickly? Our best theories after the jump.

  • He serenaded them with a saxophone-playing session.
  • He promised to call off Chelsea’s engagement and force her to wed Kim Jong Il’s kin instead.
  • He brought over a truckload of McDonald’s and threw them an American feast.
  • He guaranteed that Al Gore would never come near their region to talk about environmentalism.
  • He tucked Jong Il into bed and read him the bedtime story Rainbow Fish in his native Arkansas tongue.
  • He gave them a Get Out Of Jail Free Card, redeemable for one obnoxious deed where Hillary will look the other way.
  • He got down on both knees and begged for forgiveness while making an adorable pouty face.
  • He pulled a grab-n-go, snatched the two ladies and made a dash for the plane.
  • He plied Jong Il with a lifetime supply of oversized designer sunglasses supplied by American designers like Marc Jacobs and Michael Kors.

Regardless of what exactly went down—good work, Bill!

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