Male blogger Craig JC over at Clutch Magazine tries to caution women against telling their best friends all the intimate details of their sexual life, saying that “we all need some type of privacy.” But while giving this advice, Craig helps to perpetuate the stereotype that all women are jealous backstabbers.Here’s what Craig thinks of “over-sharing” within female friendships:
“Jobs have been lost, jealousies taken root and even men being taken due to revealing secrets, dark, deep, secrets that sometimes are better left unsaid, and unspread. Some women even tell their best friends how their man likes it in bed, when he wants it and how bad he needs it, totally illustrating the picture to the point of salivation for the listener.”
Craig assumes he knows why women discuss their intimate lives, but boy, is he wrong. He has this idea that one friend’s sex life can be so complete that the other friend becomes jealous and starts plotting to steal her BFF’s man. Conversation between two friends, however, should have nothing to do with whether one friend is single, and rarely does. Some of us have a tendency to over-analyze, and seeking the advice of a friend is one way of discussing a topic with someone who knows us well enough that we don’t have to explain every minor detail for her to get the picture.
Although he asks more questions than gives answers, Craig’s underlying tone makes me question whether he’s witnessed any positive female friendships or if he knows women at all. “Can the BFF really add anything to the conversation besides asking you if your man is down for some fries with that shake?” he writes.
First off, we don’t imagine our BFFs getting down with their SOs; some things aren’t best left to the imagination. If my best friend is having a problem pleasing her man and is losing sleep over it, I want us to discuss it. Maybe there’s a technique I know about that she doesn’t. And it’s safe to say I won’t get turned on at all by the problem-solving conversation.
Similarly, if my girlfriend had such an amazing lovemaking experience that it brought her to tears, let’s say, I’d want to know even if I wasn’t in a relationship. Not because I’m especially nosy or horny, but because as a single woman, I’d want to remain hopeful about my own love life. And what kind of friend would I be if I stipulated which topics were appropriate based solely on what’s happening in my life?
Women find it refreshing to have another woman’s opinion or have a perspective explained. We dish about our financial woes, relationships with our mothers, shopping deals, and more. Why should sex be off the table? There are some people who over-share, but that’s a matter of knowing your audience. It’s not a matter of you not wanting your BFF to become so full of lust that she decides to seduce your man.
This isn’t to say that some people, men included, aren’t T.M.I. offenders. But Craig’s reasoning for not sharing makes women out to be thieves. A better warning would have been that divulging too many private details could lead to a breach of trust between a friend and her man.