British sexpert, Bettina Arndt, asked 100 couples to keep diaries about their sex lives for a year. In her experience, spicing things up can really solve any problems in the bedroom and that’s what she was hoping to prove. While she expected to read some salacious tales of romantic rendezvous, what she got really put the love in love life. People bared their souls and divulged their deepest, darkest feelings — wait, men have feelings?! Just kidding! Arndt has just published her findings in The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Soft And Other Bedroom Battles based on what the couples wrote in their journals. It sounds like the perfect summer read, but if you’re like us circa high school, you’d rather skim the Cliff’s Notes. Here are eight reasons why couples stop having sex. [Daily Mail]
- Rejection: After a spouse says “no thanks” to sex enough, they stop asking. Then, the person who once did the spurning thinks their partner no longer wants to have sex with them. In actuality, s/he is waiting for the other one to initiate it.
- S/he Doesn’t Want Me Anymore: Women might feel insecure over the years as their looks age, but it drives men bonkers too. The fellas are also filled with self doubt over whether or not “s/he still thinks I’m sexy now that I’m fat and/or bald.”
- S/he Doesn’t Take Out The Trash: The rhetoric: If s/he cared about me, s/he’d help out around the house. Turns out choreplay isn’t just a turn-on, it really shows your spouse you love sharing every part, even the mundane ones, with them and you don’t see them as your personal slave. Also, s/he’s putting all of his/her energy into the house, so there’s none left for you. You have to find a balance!
- Tired Of Failing Sexual Expectations: Someone isn’t getting what they need out of sex and the other person is either left in the dark as to what it is or is simply not into what they want.
- Women’s Libidos Just Aren’t As Strong As Men’s: We’d like to call bulls**t here. But Arndt says many women feel even cuddling with their husband may seem like a sexual invitation, so they don’t want to tease him with a little bit of physical intimacy.
- Women Don’t Want Sex Until Someone Touches Them: On the other hand, women get in the mood when someone puts the moves on them. Then, once you get going…you’re in!
- Disappointed By How Life Has Turned Out: Ambition is a key personality trait that can attract people to each other. They’re both going places! But what if one person doesn’t quite live up to their potential? They’re probably bummed out and that’s not so sexy. Or the other could be left feeling dragged down. Then the libido heads the same way.
- S/he Constantly Pesters Me For Sex: Mismatched sex drives can leave you feeling like your spouse acts like a child. It’s one thing to want it, it’s another to persistently badger and whine to get it. Timing and seduction is everything.