Thinking Vs. Feeling: Which Is Better In Relationships?

A funny thing happened on the way to a party recently. It was a work party for my friend Dave’s venture capital firm. He was going with Mary, his longtime girlfriend who, just a few weeks earlier, he had asked to marry him.

As the couple was about to enter the party, Mary stopped, turned to her fiancé and asked, “Do you think what I’m wearing is okay?”

Dave gave her an appraising look and said, “You look great. But you probably could have worn different shoes.” (Insert collective gasp here.) This is not the funny thing that happened. The funny thing that happened is what Mary said in response. She took a moment to recover from her disbelief and then said, “Are you having a “T” moment?”

Dave thought about it then nodded his head and said, “Yes, I’m sorry. You look wonderful.”

So, what’s a “T” moment? What are these magic words that can stop a bad conversation dead in its tracks? Read more