My Dearest Jude Law,
It was only a few years ago that I was pining after your sexy European bod. You were smart, sly, and so appealing. But now, that sultry smile that once got me all hot and bothered now looks more like a pervy grin. And you kinda just seem like a douchey losertron. You may be trying to win me back by playing Watson in “Sherlock Holmes,” but to tell you the truth, you may have fallen so far from grace that it’s just not possible. You’re like the male Lindsay Lohan.
After the jump, a look at Jude’s short Up and very long Down.THE WAY UP
- Jude got his first taste of fame across the pond, doing theater in London. His acting expertise brought him to Broadway in “Indiscretions.” He got a Tony nomination, making him one to watch.
- Jude’s big movie break: the futuristic thriller “Gattaca,” alongside Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, as the suicidal but genetically perfect Jerome Eugene Morrow. A blockbuster hit.
- Now a Hollywood stud, Jude only made women want him more when he married actress Sadie Frost in 1997. British power couple!
- Jude nabbed an Oscar nomination for his role as Dickie Greenleaf in “The Talented Mr. Ripley.”
- Jude continued his rise to movie star greatness with 2003’s “Cold Mountain.”
- It’s confirmed: People names Jude Law the “Sexiest Man Alive” in 2004.
- Jude and Sadie called it quits after five years of marriage in a very public divorce and custody battle over their three kids.
- While 2004’s “Closer” was an artsy fave, Jude’s adventure flick “Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow” was a mediocre ride, even with the help of Angelina Jolie.
- Basically an autobiography of his love life, Jude played a total womanizer in 2004’s “Alfie.”
- Then he went and started dating his “Alfie” co-star, Sienna Miller. They looked good together, but never quite came off quite as classy.
- Losing his dramatic flair, Jude took a “Holiday” in the 2006 mildly successful rom-com.
- Officially making himself a douche bag, Jude had a full-fledged affair with his kids’ nanny, ending his relationship with Sienna.
- Reveling in his womanizing ways, Jude beds one woman after another.
- Trying to get back into the spotlight, Jude cross-dresses as a tranny for the film “Rage.” The movie looks good, but Jude Law as a tranny is just random.
- Jude puts the cherry on the loser-sundae: It’s announced his former lover Samantha Burke will give birth to his love child.
LOSING HIS SHEEN
DOWN IN THE DUMPS