“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” will be back tomorrow night, y’all, and we, meaning Amelia and I, can’t wait. This season, all five of the women, including newcomer Kandi Burruss, get in on the dramz. I’m talking hair-pulling, name-calling, home-foreclosing draaaama. After the jump, I speculate on what will happen in season two based on watching the preview videos a bazillion times.
- Sheree tries to take NeNe’s place as Mrs. Funny Drama, but only exposes her decidedly classless side. Sheree picks a fight with her party planner, Anthony, because she’s “always in charge.” But I guess she doesn’t realize he’s “a top-level executive, and [he] needs her to respect his top.” (Um, is it just me or does it sound as if he’s arguing with a gay lover?) Anyhoo, they continue going at it. Sheree dares him to hit her, and he ends the confrontation by saying, “Your mama’s a bitch!” Oh no, he didn’t pull out that classic hood insult. Sheree gets back to her “upper-middle-class” roots by trying to pull Kim’s wig off while on the streets of Atlanta.
- NeNe finally meets the man who claims to be her father, but I suspect he either wants a monetary hand-out or eventually reveals he’s not the daddy.
- Lisa and Kim start feuding because Lisa finds out Kim called her a crackwhore.
- And in case you can’t get enough of the girl-fighting, even Lisa and Sheree have issues this season. It all centers on the fact that Lisa’s fashion line and runway show are decidedly better than She by Sheree. “I’m glad I can inspire the less fashionable,” said Sheree in a confessional. I hate to admit it, as Lisa is lacking style, but I love her response: “I mean it’s taken Sheree two years to get it together. If I had two years, do you know what [my fashion show] would have looked like [chuckles]?”
- But wait, there’s one more feud. Kandi brings a younger vibe to the show, but butts heads with NeNe, who complains Kandi is too “ghetto.” Kandi can hold her own against NeNe, though.
- And speaking of my adopted auntie NeNe … she appears to go back to her stripper past in order to prevent her family from being evicted.
- Big Poppa makes a much-anticipated appearance, but he’s obscured by tinted car windows.
- Kandi and Kim bond over music. If songwriter Kandi can make Kim a singer, then she deserves every single accolade she’s ever received. But it looks like Kim will finally come to the revelation that she can’t sing worth a damn.
- Sheree’s home gets foreclosed because her ex-husband, Bob Whitfield, hasn’t been paying the mortgage. Um, wouldn’t a real businesswoman be on top of something as minuscule as a mortgage? (But I do have to say that making his children homeless was a bitch-move on Bob’s part.)
- And lastly, Dwight Eubanks, the “sixth housewife,” continues to bring the real fabulosity. What ever happened to his show?
Whew, that was exhausting, but I still can’t tell whether Bravo has decided to script this show or if the housewives are being a little extra catty to get more attention. Probably the latter.