Swine Flue Made Me Do It!

Swine Flu never really lived up to its potential as a grade-A apocalyptic disaster. We send all those infected our best wishes and hope they have a speedy recovery, but we have a word or two for those of you who have contracted Swine Flu Madness. This condition differs from the flu in that its symptoms are mental (in every sense of the word) and manifest in several ways. Oh yes, Swine Flu is the new Twinkies defense. When some of the strangest incidents to come across our desks in a long time all linked back to the piggy fever, we figured it was time for a roundup for all the strange things Swine Flu is apparently responsible for. After the jump. read about the weird and wacky incidents attributed to the Swine Flu.

  • I Wasn’t Driving Drunk…I Have Swine Flu: A woman in New Zealand defended her charge of drunk driving to a judge claiming it was the Swine Flu’s fault. In a Queenstown court on Monday, Deborah Karen Graham asked for clemency claiming the three glasses of wine she had consumed prior to getting behind the wheel made her more intoxicated than usual due to the fact that she was suffering from Swine Flue. The “Swine Flu Made Me Do It” did not fly with Judge Kevin Phillips. The judge stated “Swine flu seems to be the ‘in’ submission for everything at the moment. I reject all that.” Ms. Graham landed a $360 fine and a six month driving ban. [AP] What we want to know is why in the world was Graham out and about drinking if she had Swine Flu? Aren’t you supposed to feel pretty icky and sequester yourself to prevent the flu’s spread? Verdict: Stay at home if you are sick and don’t drive drunk
  • Um…Can We Hug On That?: The Church of England has introduced a measure in its Southwark diocese in London to protect parishioners from contracting Swine Flu: swapping hand shakes for hugs. Whereas British parishioners used to shake hands “as a sign of peace,” they are now encouraged to hug out all their fluffy gushy feelings. Other British churches have taken similar steps by allowing “intinction” (dipping bread in communion wine) instead of every person (and their germs) sharing the chalice. Some churches have gone even farther and discontinued offering wine full stop. [AFP] Hmmm… we are a bit creeped out by hugging everyone, especially that token creepy old dude who gives everything that moves the eye.

    A British bishop has already advised his diocese to suspend holy water from churches in a bid to halt the spread of the A(H1N1) virus.

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