Trailer Park: “Orphan,” “The Ugly Truth,” And “G-Force”

Summer is really great, but aren’t you sooo bored with all the nice weather and nature and crap? Yeah, we get it, it’s pretty out, now stop gloating you hussy season. I don’t need your vitamin D, sun. Give me artery-clogging movie-theater popcorn and one of those Coke slushies and I’m golden all year round. This week, consider adoption with “Orphan,” ponder the state of gender relations with “The Ugly Truth,” and check out “G-Force,” just cause isn’t it a miracle we haven’t run out of animals to animate yet?

The Movie: “Orphan”
The Trailer: Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard star as a wealthy couple that adopts an adorable Eastern European girl named Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman) who turns out to be a little devil girl and proceeds to terrorize them and ruin their lives and/or try to kill their two children and um, maybe everyone else too?
The Hitch: Looks fun, right? I tend to really enjoy movies where children are evil. “The Bad Seed” is one of my favorites. Peter Sarsgaard is hot and if you’re down for a scare, this should be a decent way to get it.

The Movie: “The Ugly Truth”
The Trailer: A control-freak morning news show producer Abby (Katherine Heigl) is less than psyched when prickish guest commentator Mike (Gerard Butler) is brought on to improve ratings. Turns out he has plenty to teach her about fellating hot dogs and showing off her assets and she finds that his super obvious advice works in catching her man. But then teacher falls for student and vice versa. Duh.
The Hitch: First of all, what’s with Heigl always playing neurotic, anxious characters? This movie looks fun, but perhaps you should keep in mind that the script was written by Kirsten Smith and Karen McCullah Lutz (who penned “Monster-in-Law” and “The House Bunny“) along with Nicole Eastman…so expect some predictability and cheese. However, I hear there is a makeover montage, which is like girl kryptonite for some reason. Must. See. Makeover. Montage.

The Movie: “G-Force”
The Trailer: Oh good, another live-action/animated 3-D movie about animals going on adventures. This time it’s a crew of guinea pig spies trained by the United States government and then an FBI agent (Will Arnett) tries to stop them. Of the role, Arnett says, ‘I’m confused, as the audience might be, about why somebody is teaching guinea pigs how to talk. That’s absurd.” Some of the chubby cuddly guys are voiced by Sam Rockwell, Penélope Cruz, Tracy Morgan, and Nicolas Cage.
The Hitch: When producer Jerry Bruckheimer was asked what the “G” stands for he said, ”Uh, I have no idea…Guinea pig, I guess? They’re these James Bond guinea pigs.” This is obviously for those blessed with spawn first and foremost and I hate to admit it, since guinea pigs have always freaked me out, but these guys are kinda cute.