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The World’s Oldest Penis Bone(r) Discovered

We’ve told you about legendary rock star penises and actor penises, but now we’re going to bring you: the world’s oldest prick! (No, it’s not Bob Barker.) The 400 million year old fossil was actually just discovered by the aptly named Australian palaeontologist Dr. Long (you just can’t make this crap up!). Anyhoo, his research team from the Museum Victoria found the prehistoric boner in some fish bones. The Devonian era fossil remarkably had something to hold onto. Published in the Nature journal, it was a breakthrough discovery that linked some “structures in the pelvic fin that suggested copulation” which is awesome because while they had uncovered lady bits, as Dr. Long put it, “we hadn’t found the business end of how they were doing it.” That is until now…
The now extinct placaderm fish would actually use this pelvic appendage, called a “clasper,” to literally hook a mate by gripping the female inside. Apparently, that’s how the dino fish did it back in the day. And they must have been doing something right because placaderms were the dominant fish for 70 million years. Today’s scientists consider them to be the ancestors of sharks, but it took this long just to figure out their sexy time secret. Congratulations nerds! Dr. Long proudly said to his paleo-peeps, “Now we’ve actually found it, a specimen with an undoubted clasper with a knobbly end.” Hm, you say “clasper,” we say “keeper.” [Discovery]

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