Mulling over the list of the 2009 Emmy Nominations released earlier today, I felt pretty good—Tina Fey and “30 Rock” pulled in 22 nominations, and “Mad Men” reeled in 16. “Lost,” “Flight of the Conchords,” “Weeds, “How I Met Your Mother”—they were all there. But I was flabbergasted to find that my beloved “True Blood” was nowhere to be found. I thought for sure this had to be a typo, but upon further inspection, I noticed a few other glaring omissions. After the jump, the categories we wish the Emmy folks would add so that all of our favorites walk out of the awards ceremony with a statue.Best Sex Scenes: “True Blood”
How can a show with such a creative premise and the world’s most electric onscreen couple not win be nominated? Hmm, maybe the nomination committee was paid off by the anti-vamp Fellowship of the Sun?
Best Over-Acting By A Previous Oscar Winner: Anna Paquin in “True Blood”
When she was just a wee lass from New Zealand, Paquin won an Academy Award for her role in “The Piano.” These days she’s doing a wonky impression of a Louisiana accent and humping her real life boyfriend on camera. We heart her!
Best Character in Braces: America Ferrera in “Ugly Betty”
Every Thursday night, I am left in stitches watching the hilarious antics as Betty survives the world of high fashion. America Ferrera is a great actress. She should defintely be in the running.
Best Trashy Show Running Four Nights A Week: “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here”
Three words describe why this show should have been nommed: Heidi and Spencer. Actually, the bigger upset is how this show didn’t make the cut for Outstanding Cinematography For A Reality Program. Just kidding.
Best Serial Killer: Michael C. Hall of “Dexter”
OK, nominating this show for Outstanding Prosthetic Make-Up for a Series is so expected. We wish they would make a category to honor just how creepy Michael C. Hall is in the lead role.
Best Fight: “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”
I mean really, once a table’s been flipped and someone’s been called a “prostitution whore,” how can you not win an Emmy?
Best Sleazoid: Jeremy Piven in “Entourage”
Ari Gold has a special place in my heart. So I’m pissed that Piven isn’t on the Emmy’s list for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a comedy series. At least they should give him an award for that whole strange mercury-poisoning incident?
Best Formerly A-List Actress Who Had To Do A Made-For-TV-Movie: Lindsay Lohan in “Labor Pains”
I cannot believe LiLo’s new movie did not make it for Outstanding Made For TV Movie. Oh wait, Emmys are only for quality productions.
Bitchiest Side Kick With A Heart Of Gold: Becky Newton of “Ugly Betty”
Prancing around MODE magazine in fierce outfits and making Betty feel bad about herself as airhead receptionist Amanda Tanon should have been enough to put Becky Newton’s name in the running for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.
Best Drunken Antics And Shameless Throwing of Oneself at a Rock Star: Entire Cast of “Rock of Love 3″
Few things made me as happy on television this year as the insanity that was “Rock of Love.” Statue, please!